Midnight Birdsong [Dreamnotfound AU]

Chapter 36: Misery Fell

Clay was on his bike.

He had been riding the route with Sapnap and a6d and, to his disgust, Techno.
It was Saturday evening, and the forecast predicted heavy rain for the next 48 hours.
For Clay this meant only that George would be harder to find.

It was strange to think about, how since the party George had gone from a constant in his life to the reason for him getting up everyday.

He listened to the steady whirr of tires and occasional pedaling.
He felt exhausted. Mentally.
He knew he wasn't sleeping enough, but he didn't see how to do better.

The breeze ruffled his hair and he spared a glance at Technoblade.
He was focusing on steering and keeping his balance on the bike, having never ridden one as a kid.
Weird how he can be so steady on the soccer pitch and unsteady here. We're so different.

Techno noticed him staring and looked up. Clay broke the eye contact immediately.
He looked behind him at Sapnap and a6d. Sapnap was teaching a6d how to ride without using the handlebars.

"Yeah just put your weight back and sit. It's easier to keep your balance if you keep pedaling. Try like this see? Use just your fingertips on the grips and then you can take your hands off totally. Yeah! You're doing it!"

A6d was following his instructions exactly; he slowly and wobbly rode a few yards without hands, laughing and smiling and almost falling over. Sapnap was equally ecstatic and offered a high-five which a6d achieved after almost running into him. They laughed.
Clay smiled.

Their real purpose was to look for George on these bike rides, but it had become such a regular thing for them that now it was almost casual sometimes. Clay wasn't upset that they were having fun, they had already been riding for hours today and everyone was trying their best yesterday and this morning. They needed some laughs anyway.

Clay was still looking for George around every corner. On the bike and off of it. He had been trying not to think about what would happen when he finally found him.

George thought Clay hated him. Because of Techno.
Maybe he would run the other direction if he saw Clay.
No that's terrible. Don't think that.
But you hurt him.
It wasn't me.
What's the difference?

Clay stopped pedaling and coasted. There isn't a difference.
It's only what George thinks, what matters to him.
See? He thinks you hate him, and he was hurt because of you. You hurt him. Your fault.

Clay tried to drown out the voice by pedaling faster.

"Whoa-"
He came too close to Technoblade and scared him by accident. Clay hastily slowed, apologizing.

" 's fine," Techno said, steadying his bike carefully. "What made you speed up all the sudden?"

"Nothing." Clay looked over his shoulder. A6d and Sapnap were too far behind to be listening and were having their own conversation anyway.

Techno made an I-don't-believe-you face but directed it at the road and not Clay. He was tactful enough to know Clay didn't want to discuss whatever it was with him.
And Clay wasn't about to express his irrational feelings of guilt to the person who caused them.

Why is he even here?
The reason he was riding around with them specifically was because he came wanting to help and Grian figured these three were unlikely to beat him up, compared to some of the hermits anyway. Clay had already punched him and probably wouldn't again; a6d hadn't been unnecessarily aggressive; Sapnap was kinda iffy but he took a chance.
Techno sensed they didn't really want him there. And he understood, but he stayed anyway. Maybe he was just stubborn, or maybe he was actually trying to help.
Is Techno really the kind of person to try and right his wrongs?
Hard to say. Maybe there was something more behind his desire to help.
Clay didn't honestly care. He was just waiting for him to either prove himself or betray them.