Mental Health x Criminal Minds

ED- A.H

You started at your feet, averting your eyes from your face. Your feet were bony and thin, like the rest of your body. You let your gaze rise up and took in your whole body, wincing at the emaciated figure that stared back at you. What had you let yourself become? You felt like a hollow shell of your once plump and vibrant self. You had always imagined yourself as too big or too plump, even when people told you you weren't.

You stepped onto the scale in front of you and began to weep at the sight of the numbers when they pop up on the digital screen of the scale.

You placed the scale back into the bathroom counter and threw on baggy clothing. You made your way to the couch and plopped down to hopefully distract you from the thing you saw in the mirror.

You quickly fell asleep on the couch while the tv quietly played in the background. This was common almost everyday, you crashing on the couch or bed immediately after stepping foot in the apartment.

When Aaron walked into the apartment his focus was shifted from the work day to your small body wrapped in a blanket hugging the pillow. He set his stuff down and took his tie off before crouching down and moving a strand of hair away from your face. He planted a soft kiss on your forehead.

He got up and walked to the kitchen and got out the leftover pasta from the previous night at Rossi's. You hadn't eaten much of it the day before and he insisted on giving you some.

Rossi knew you hadn't been eating much ever since Hotch told him. They thought that by gathering everyone together and having a nice meal and great conversation would distract you. It didn't and honestly you liked the attempt but it made everything worse.

Everyone could eat so easily. It was like they didn't care what they were putting into their body. That night when you excused yourself to go to the bathroom, you threw up everything you ate. You could never hold anything down.

You stirred for a moment before opening your eyes. "Baby?" You groggily groaned.

"Hey I'm right here." He softly called from the kitchen. You turned on the couch and faced him. When you saw the leftover food in his hands your face went blank.

Aaron caught that and he knew you wouldn't like his plan. If you didn't feel comfortable eating around the team, he had to make sure you felt comfortable around him.

You turned back and snuggled deeper under the blanket, hoping he hadn't seen your reaction and profiled you.

He walked over to you and set the bowl on the coffee table before placing his large hand where your shoulder was under the covers.

Shit. He did see. Why did he have to be so good at his job? No, why did he have to be so observant?

"You've been tired a lot recently.." He started. "When was the last time you ate?"

You tried to stay hidden under the safety of the blanket for as long as you could. He slowly pulled it down, uncovering your tear-stained eyes.

He looked down and noticed you were wearing a baggier hoodie, something you never really wore before unless it was his. It only caught his attention because it looked fairly new.

"Yesterday...I didn't eat at Rossi's. I-I threw it up when I stepped away so no one could notice." You admitted. After those last few words left your mouth you started crying.

"Hey come here." He pushed your head into his chest and softly swayed on his knees.

"I know it must be tough for you recently. I do care for you, I do. At work it might not seem like it but you'll always have a spot in my heart, right in the center." He swiped his thumb across your cheek, something he knew you loved but wouldn't admit.

After a few moments of silence and sniffling he sat in front of you on the couch and he got under the blanket that hid your small body. Your legs moved in between his as you sat up to face him. He slowly reached for the bowl again and held it in his lap.

"We can take a bite together."

He used the same tone when you both went out in public with your relationship for the first time. It was the day you both attended an event for your job. There was some exotic assortment of new foods so you both decided you would try it if the other did as well. "We can do it together." You both linked your arms and fed the other the food. You both laughed as you watched the others reaction.

What happened to you being like that? Trying new foods, not giving a care in the world.

He held up a fork with some pasta on it and gestured for you to take it. You did, almost dropping it because your hand was so weak and shaky.

"Ready?" He held up his fork which had more pasta on it than yours. You hesitantly nodded.

"On a count of three okay? 1, 2, 3." He moved the fork first and you followed. He smiled as you chewed. He was so proud you took your first bite of the day.

Aaron has reassured you multiple times that you didn't have to change the way you looked because you were perfect. You wished you saw yourself through his eyes because he must of been dreaming.

"There's no one like you y/n." He told you.

"Want to do another one?"

You curled your lip and looked down at the bowl. Oddly enough, you hadn't got the sensation of throwing up when you took a bite of the pasta. It was just one noodle and maybe taking it slow with the man you loved could get you through it. What's one more bite? After all, you couldn't stand looking at whatever you saw in the mirror. It haunted you.

You shook your head. Eating the pasta was better than ever. You had forgotten how good it tasted and you wanted more.

"1, 2, 3." You both took your third bite.

"I'm so proud of you y/n." You blushed at his words as they repeated in your head. You smiled and he did too, missing the sight of you being happy.

After the forth bite he got up and set the bowl back in the fridge. "Do you feel like throwing up? I don't know if that was too much but it's okay if you do." You shook your head no.

He walked back to the couch in his original position and laid back. He stretched his arms out and you crawled onto his chest.

At first you didn't want to because he would feel your body but there was just something about him. Something about him that made you feel safe and loved and...protected. He made you feel better.

He pulled the blanket over your bodies and you both settled in for the night. You hugged him tightly, slightly tearing up at his words that still played over in your head like a broken record.

"There's no one like you y/n... I'm so proud of you..."

He slid his hands under your baggy hoodie. He felt your cold skin tense up but slowly you relaxed into his touch. He started to rub your sides.

"Perfect." He muttered into your hair.

He wasn't mentioning your body right now in it's starved state, but rather your body overall. He planted a soft kiss on the top of your head and you chuckled.

"I love you." You muttered. "Thank you again."

He smiled and looked down at you. "Look how far you've come. I know you've been fighting for so long and you continue to. I love you baby."

You buried your head into his chest and he waited for you to fall asleep first.

From then on it was a hard recovery. When you ate bigger portions you threw them up. Aaron was always there, holding your hair back in a makeshift ponytail and rubbing your back. Every time you emptied the contents in your stomach you felt like you failed him. He always reassured you hadn't because you didn't. It was all apart of recovery.

After long months you finally went back to attending Rossi's pasta parties. He was so happy when you asked him for seconds. He gratefully gave you more and Aaron gave him a smile in return.

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"Beauty isn't measured in pounds. Don't let a number on a scale own you."