Mental Health x Criminal Minds

S- S.R

You stepped closer to the ledge. The cold wind blew through your hair, sending shivers down your spine. The surging water below crashed against the sharpened rocks and barreled downstream. The waves could definitely drag anything below the surface, making it impossible to make a reappearance.

You hugged yourself tighter with your anxiety skyrocketing as jumping became more clearer.

A mother remembered how she trimmed her daughter's hair for the last time a couple weeks before, feeling a strange compulsion to save some of it. She chided herself and didn't do it, now wishing she had.

Along with a locket, it would've been the last thing you could've had of yours and Spencer's  daughter. She was everything you ever wanted. Now she was gone.

Spencer seemed to of been okay a few weeks after the incident but you never recovered. How could you? A mother loses her daughter, a bond so strong, one that was supposed to last a lifetime, broke in 5 years.

Therapist after therapist you could never say 'my daughter is dead'. You could never talk about her in the past tense, it was too much.

You were in this invisible agony. It reached to a certain unendurable level that killing yourself was the same way a trapped person would eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise.

Their terror, however, of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for someone standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view. The fear of falling still remains a constant. The variable in this situation is the other terror, the fire's flames. When the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It wasn't desiring the fall; it was the terror of the flames.

Your flames....your daughters death.

Today was the anniversary of it. Just one week shy of her birthday all too much to handle for a parent.

No one could understand the jump. You'd have to of personally been trapped and felt the searing flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.

Tears filled your eyes as you took another step closer. Just one more and you'll be free. You thought. The force of the water could instantly calm your nerves and set you free.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. That's when you heard it.

"Y/n?" The higher pitched voice behind you cracked. You could tell it was a man, a man who had been crying.

You turned around and saw him. Spencer.

"Wha-What are you doing?" He hesitantly took a step forward. His hand mimicked the shakiness and uncertainty of his voice as he pointed towards the ledge of the bridge you stood on.

"Spencer, just leave." Why the hell did he have to come now? You couldn't do this with him watching.

"I-I'm not leaving. Why are you on the ledge?" Every time he spoke it only made you cry harder.

Ever since his daughter died, much like you, Spencer was never the same. He might of acted like it by hiding behind this body he wanted no part in being in but it was all an act. The team tried to offer their support but he was far too broken to accept it. Saying and facing the problem only made it more real.

Spencer tried his best to be strong for you. He didn't want to break because it would only make you cry harder. He remembered all the sleepless nights in bed where he would just hold you. He would always spoon you, wrapping you up in his protective arms to shield you from the world. He would silently break down at night when you finally went to sleep. He didn't want you to see him like that.