Mental Health x Criminal Minds

SH- E.P

"Hey you ready to go to the bar?" Emily peered around the corner with a huge grin.

"Yeah yeah, give me one second." You didn't mind going to the bar. After all, you could get blackout drunk and completely forget about everything for a few hours.

You finished curling your hair and rolled up your sleeves because the apartment was getting hot and stuffy. You didn't even think twice about it.

"Alright let's go." You threw your purse over your shoulder and went to the door when Emily stopped you.

"Hey what's that?" She tried grabbing your arm when you quickly pulled away.

"It's nothing, come on let's go." You realized your mistake and tried to quickly change the topic off of you.

"Y/n, stop." You did and she reached for your arm again, this time not pulling away.

"Oh honey." She examined the fresh cuts.

"It was when I was with my ex...it's nothing." You half-lied. It was just old news. It's not like she could take a time machine and go back in time to stop you from doing it.

"Y/n this isn't nothing. What's wrong?"

"Like I said it was just my ex. He just made me feel so alone and worthless."

"Worthless" repeated in your mind as you tried to hold on to what's left of you.

She set her bag on the ground and grabbed both your arms. "You are neither of those." You nodded your head but didn't believe her. How could you?

After spending months with your ex he belittled you to nothing. You were lonely most of your life.

Loneliness sounds like such an easy thing to fix: find a friend, reach out to someone who cares. Every time you tried however they recoil, unwilling to offer an olive branch of hope to the social leper, and so your anxiety deepens. You never share your feelings because after all, who would really listen?

All you can do in those long black hours is find an enclosed place to shake until the tears subside and you can focus on the dawn light, breathe, and drink water. It isn't simply a lack of company, though that is part of it for sure, it's a black hole that grows more powerful with every social snub. It threatens to swallow every part of you, bad and good, until all that's left is a human shaped shell too numb to feel the pain anymore.

Your shell had succumbed to the pain resulting in your cutting. Could you feel it? Who knows. You went deeper each time yes, but you still felt nothing.

"He broke me Em." You sobbed.

"Y/n. You're not broken. You're the strongest person I've ever met. These scars just prove it. Wanna know why? You're still here, your fight isn't over." You nodded.

But were you still worth fighting for?

"I'm sorry, I just felt so lost and then the day I started it just felt so...relieving." She cupped your cheek to help calm you down.

"You ever feel like that again you find me. And if it's a guy, I will not hesitate to kick his ass. A girl too." She added. You laughed and looked down, at a loss for words.

She pulled you into a long hug, slowly rubbing your back and nuzzling her head into your shoulder. Out of nowhere, you started crying.

Why now? Why now did you decide to feel? You can't cry over something so stupid.

She squeezed you tighter before you wriggled out of her grasp.

"You know how they say 'follow your heart' but if your heart is in a million pieces, which piece do you follow?" You glanced over at her with a stone cold face.

She clasped her hands around yours and held them between your bodies.

"You follow the one that feels right. When you pick up the right piece, all the others will fall into place." She smiled and you did too, a real genuine smile. Not the ones that were easy to fake.

"Come here." She laid on the couch and patted in front of her. You giggled and crawled into her lap. She wrapped her arms on yours and interlocked your fingers.

Your hands rested on your torso and you looked up at her. "You know I love you and only you, right?" She whispered.

"Yeah, and I love you Em." She smiled and kissed your forehead.

"Good because men like that, men that are trash, they don't deserve what's mine." You laughed and slowly relaxed into her embrace.

Emily could always lighten the mood. She was the funniest person you knew, next to Derek of course, but you always picked her side. "It's because you're dating how is that fair! Reid help me out here." He would say.

But at the end of the day when you came home, you had Emily. Loneliness was a thing of the past, just like your ex.

The rain lightly hit the window of the apartment and her warm body set you at ease. Both a perfect mixture to fall asleep to.

She rubbed your scars before you drifted off. She made you feel safe and protected, something you thought you'd never experience again.

_______________________________

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone."

-Lance Clayton