Mental Health x Criminal Minds

PA- D.M

You stepped away from the group. Everyone was having fun, drinking and flirting about in the bar but this just wasn't you. Derek knew so when he saw you quietly walk away he subtly kept an eye on you.

You quickly ran to the back door of the bar and exited the building into the cold night. The breeze was an attempt to make you feel and calm you down.

You sat on the curb and brought your head to your lap. You felt your chest tighten and the cold air seemed to be ripped away from your lungs. You felt like you were choking. You felt an urgent need to leave the area as soon as possible before the attack caught up to you.

An invisible hand clasped over your mouth; an equally ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline pierced your heart, unloading in an instant. You felt your ribs heaving as if bound by chains, straining to inflate your lungs. Your head is a carousel of fears spinning out of control, each one pushing your mind into blackness. You want to run; you need to freeze. Sounds that were near feel far away, like you're no longer in the body that lies paralyzed on the cold curb.

Why did you go? Why did you go to the crowded bar with so many people? You needed Derek. You desperately needed him.

Derek sipped his beer. He checked his watch five times in the span of seven minutes. Something was wrong. He watched you rush out, he thought for a quick breath of fresh air instead of the stuffy bar, but you hadn't returned. He told you to call or text if you were leaving so he checked his phone. No new messages. He looked at his team and nodded, taking one last swig of his beer and dropping a few dollars for his drink.

He buttoned up his shirt and made his way outside through the backdoor, the same route he saw you take. He closed the door behind him and looked around into the night.

His eyes landed on a person a few feet away hunched into a ball on the curb. He saw their back moving up and down shakily. They were crying. As the streetlight flickered above he noticed it was you.

Derek jogged over and sat next to you, his knee brushing up against yours.

You held your chest tightly. Why was it so hard to breathe? Reid rambled on about how we don't even think twice about breathing along with some other statistics but you couldn't recall them right now. You tried to focus on something, anything, when you felt someone sit next to you.

"Hey hey, you're not alone. You're not alone." He repeated while softly rubbing your back.

A while back Derek asked his best friend, Spencer, about panic and anxiety attacks. He never thought much of it, nonetheless you having them, he just wanted a better sense of them. If he knew about them he wouldn't of brought you to the bar. He would never.

Right now the only thing he could do was help you through. He could apologize later because you didn't need an apology right now. You needed comfort.

"Hey! You." He looked over at someone who was watching. "Go inside and get me some water." He looked like a deer caught in headlights under Morgan's strong gaze.

"Now!" He whisper-yelled and the man scurried inside.

"I didn't mean to yell." He continued rubbing your shaking back. "You might feel alone but I'm right here. You feel me right?" He rested his chin over your head.

Everything was spinning. It felt as if the ground was melting under your feet.

"H-Here sir." The man gave Derek a glass of water and he shooed the man away. He went back to rubbing your arm.

"Can you look at me? I'm right next to you." Your chest rose and fell as you slowly turned your head in his direction. "You're okay, you're okay." He whispered into your ear.

"Have some water alright?" He handed you the cold drink and you took it. With the breeze in the air mixed with the cold drink you felt it in your hand. You felt the cold.

You brought it to your lips and took a sip. You felt it travel through your body and end in your stomach. He took the glass and set it next to you.

"Close your eyes and here, hold my hands." His larger hands encased yours and brought them to a sanctuary of safety. "Let's take a few breaths together, how about that?" You met his eyes and nodded.

He slowly inhaled, you copying. Then he exhaled and you did the same. After a few more breaths you felt relieved. Your chest un-tightened and your throat fully opened. Your shoulders relaxed and you leaned into his warm body.

"I didn't mean to take you here I'm sorry." He murmured into your hair. "Don't worry about the team, we can go back to my place where it's more quiet and less crowded hm pretty girl?" You nodded against him.

Even in situations like this Derek knew what was best for you. You thought you could pass by the bar easily since you were with the team but you guessed panic and anxiety couldn't wait.

You spent the night in his cozy less-populated apartment wrapped loosely in his arms.

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"Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness."

-Desmond Tutu