Mental Health x Criminal Minds

PA- A.H

Some cases were worse than others. Why you continued to do your job? You had no idea. Maybe by bringing in the bad guys and putting them away for good was worth it. The risk, the anxiety, the fear.

Sometimes it was too much.

You looked at the picture of the dismembered boy. He was only 7. Why couldn't you be faster? Why didn't you save him?

The team came back from the crime scene and crowded the very small office. You had your back to them but you could hear them discussing how horrible the case was. Apparently another body was found.

Derek walked up next to you and pinned the newest body on the board. A girl. She was 8, dismembered like the others. That picture seemed to set you off. The once equal and balanced floor shook and you became uneasy. You couldn't do this in front of your team...

The thoughts were accelerating inside your head. You want them to slow so you could breathe but they won't. Your breaths come in gasps and you felt like you would black out. Your heart hammered inside your chest like it belonged to a rabbit running for its skin.

The worst feeling was trying to hold back a panic attack in public. Why did it have to happen now? In front of people? Why couldn't you of been alone in your room like the last times these have happened?

"Are you okay y/n?" Rossi tried to reach out but you shrugged off his comfort. Hotch looked over and furrowed his eyebrows. He had seen this before.

"Everyone out now." He ordered. The team stood in shock, wondering what was wrong with their friend. "Please." He begged.

They silently nodded and emptied the room. It was just you and Hotch yet the room still spun. You fell to your knees and clutched your chest, desperate for one free pocket of air. You couldn't control your mind or body.

Your childhood wasn't the greatest. The fact that these children were abused, tortured, and killed made memories flood your mind. They weren't memorable ones either. What if your parents or sibling ever did that to you? Could you really trust anyone?

"Y/n." Hotch knelt beside you. "I know you're in your mind, can you come back to me?" He gently placed his hand on your shoulder. You tensed at first but relaxed under his soft touch.

"I know the thoughts in your head say differently, but everything's okay. Everything is truly okay. Nothing is going to get you or hurt you, not while I'm here." He softly reassured. He looked around the room and spotted a glass. He quickly filled it up with water and returned to his position knelt beside you.

"Here, have a drink." You slowly looked over and accepted his offer. He held the glass for you and slowly poured you some. The cold water made you get a sense of where you were.

"Good girl. It's okay, I'm here. Look around alright? You are completely safe in here." You looked around the empty room. Your eyes eventually wondered up to the board behind you. Aaron saw and hooked his finger under your chin to turn you back around.

"Don't worry about that board. It's not important. All that matters is you right now." You nodded in his grasp and he let go. You stayed looking in his eyes, knowing you were safe with him.

"Hold on to those happy thoughts. The thoughts of us, your friends, the team." He saw a faint smile across your lips. "Sometimes that's what keeps us going. It makes me sane when I think about you darling, you have no idea." He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

"It's just us. You're okay." He whispered as you fell into his lap. He wrapped his arms around your neck to pull you closer. However not too tight so you wouldn't feel trapped but enough to feel safe.

"I love you y/n." He kissed the top of your head periodically as your sobs quieted.

You remembered all the times you spent with Aaron. The dinner dates, watching movies snuggled on the couch, the visits to your favorite places after bad cases, gossiping about boring events for your work.

In his arms the world slowed. The spinning came to a stop and you finally reclaimed control over your body and lungs. You moved your eyes around to search the room, it still being empty. You took several deep breathes and relaxed in Aaron's hug.

"I'm exhausted Aaron. I am exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel." You looked up at him and he frowned.

"Y/n. You are the strongest woman I've ever known. Our job gets to us and we're allowed to have bad days. When you feel scared or alone call me or go to my house. You always have my key and you're always welcome. You can fall asleep in my bed or do whatever you want there. My home is your home." He nuzzled his head into your shoulder.

"Aaron." He opened his eyes and you cupped his cheek. "You know home can be a person?You're my home." He smiled and slowly kissed you.

After a few minutes of practicing breathing and reassuring, you both stood up and went to work on the case. Aaron lightened your load so you could go home earlier and relax.

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"You don't have to take this day all at once but rather one step, one breath and one moment at a time. You are only one person. Things will get done when they get done."