Mental Health x Criminal Minds

SH- A.H

You and the team had just got back from a case. As you stepped away from the group, you quickly gathered your things together. Hotch approached you at your desk and asked for you to meet him in his office.

You heard your team's "ohh she's in trouble" and "ouu's" but you completely ignored them.

Hotch only wanted to talk you with because of what you did on the case. You made a call based solely on your relationship with your boss. It put your life on the line when it should've been his.

"Can we do this later?" You lazily slung your bag over your shoulder and tried to leave when he stopped you.

"Okay we'll do this here then. What the hell was that y/n?" His voice was laced with anger.

Aaron was good at separating his personal life from work. If he hadn't, he couldn't properly lead the team.

"You could've died!" He yelled. His voice echoed throughout the building and earned a few head raises from your team.

You gripped the strap of your bag and felt your face grow hot with embarrassment.

"Why are you so careless with your life? Do you want to get yourself killed!" You turned away from his intense stare as tears welled your eyes.

If only he knew...

You covered your mouth and swiftly walked up to his office, him following closely behind. He closed the door and turned around to face you.

"You wanna know why I'm so 'careless'?" He furrowed his eyebrows and that's when you pulled up the sleeve of your sweater.

His eyes landed right on your scars, some faded some recent. His eyes immediately softened and he walked over to close the blinds of his office to give you privacy.

"Maybe I don't want to live anymore! You're right I don't care. Maybe the world would be better if it were me and not you." He slowly reached for your hands and looked at them before flicking his eyes up to you.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked. Aaron would do anything to protect you, even if it was from yourself.

You sighed and backed away, leaning against his desk. "It would've been easier if you didn't know..." You bit your lip and waited for him to yell at you again. You were surprised when he didn't. He switched from his serious boss to his caring boyfriend tone.

"Easier how?" He inched closer.

Yeah you smiled everyday, but that was easy to fake. It fooled others but if someone took the time and looked into your eyes long enough, they would've noticed you were slowly breaking inside.

No one knew what if felt like to cry in the shower so no one can hear you. No one knew what it was like waiting for everyone to fall asleep so you can fall apart. No one knew how everything hurt so bad you just wanted to end it all. You did, you knew exactly how that felt.

"If I died. I tried pushing you away but you kept coming back-"

"Because I love you." He interjected.

"Why? God Hotch I'm a mess, a complete disaster, a lost cause. I have these ugly scars and not to mention stretch marks and I'm just so careless...maybe because I have nothing to lose. I'm just I'm so lost." You closed your eyes and pressed your fingers over them.

Nothing to lose? He thought. You had everything, your whole life, him, all these new things you could try, the team.

"Stop. You're not a mess and definitely not a lost cause. You have your whole life ahead of you and there's so many things you haven't tried."

That was true but why live in such a cruel world? What could you do that was enough to make you stay? You hated yourself and the world would continue to go on without you.

Who would really miss you?

He pulled your hands away from your face. "Look at me." You hesitantly opened your eyes and meet his soft brown ones.

"We get lost sometimes and that's okay. There's always another way, another path we can take. It's just a matter of choosing the right one." You stared blankly at his black suit.

"Hey." He hooked his finger under your chin and raised your head up. "If you feel like hurting yourself again, come in here. I'm always here and ready to talk or hold your hand or something."

He saw a small smile tug up. "Come here."

He lead you to the small loveseat on the other side of his office and laid down. He opened his arm out but you hesitated.

"We have to do paperwork." You glanced and pointed over at the closed door.

"Forget the paperwork. You come first, always." You swallowed the lump in your throat before accepting his invite to lay on his chest. Your body immediately relaxed on his.

"Did you do it anywhere else?" He whispered against your hair. If you hurt yourself anywhere else, he would want to know.

You shamefully nodded against him. It does not matter how shallow the water is. You can still drown.

"Where baby?"

"My thighs..." Your voice was just above a whisper. He slowly slid his hand down to your thigh and when you tensed up he began kissing the top of your head, letting you know it was okay.

He traced random patterns and you felt yourself relaxing into his touch again. You never thought he would react like this. You always thought he would be mad and yell or you or leave like everyone else did in your life. But he stayed. He stayed with you.

His hand trailed up your shirt and onto your stomach, drawing figure 8's against your soft skin. He knew you were self conscious about how you looked.

"Perfect." He muttered. Sometimes that's all someone needed. We all need reminders from time to time.

You started to cry and he quietly shushed you. If anything, this man was perfect. He was willing to listen and was determined to help.

"I didn't mean to ruin things between us, the case, everything. I'm sorry."

"Don't be y/n, you didn't ruin anything. I love you, forever and always." He moved his arms around your back and you hugged his chest.

"Don't let anyone tell you you're nothing, it's not true. You're everything, my everything." He brought your lips to his for a sweet kiss. "You're stuck with me whether you like it or not." You both chuckled.

"I love you Aaron."

"I love you darling."

You fell asleep in the comfort of his arms.

"Promise me you won't cut again." Aaron sat against the the armrest. You leaned back into the opposite armrest.

"I promise." He held up his pinky and you both laughed.

"What? It's a real thing." You laughed as you locked your pinky with his. "This is just the beginning y/n."

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"Not one drop of your self worth depends on others acceptance of you."

-Laura Annabelle