The Void You Left Behind - [Bakugou x Reader]

Chapter 4 - Grief

Chapter specific warnings - blood, minor injury

The day after the funeral had been the hardest so far. Saying goodbye to Eijiro had put a full stop to a sentence that hadn't been finished yet. And now, there was no possibility of ever ending this sentence the way it was supposed to end. No matter how many times you would try to rewrite it, it would always end the same. It would always end in tragedy - abrupt and illogical.

Your grief was like a burn to your skin. You hadn't felt the pain straight away, because there was always a gap between the burn and the sting of it. A gap in which you had come to think that there wouldn't be any pain, that everything would be numb forever. But just when the numbness had lulled you in, the pain suddenly hit you, and it felt like you were shot with a hundred arrows straight through your heart.

In the beginning, when shock and denial were refusing to make room for the pain, you had thought that you would never cry nor feel anything but dullness ever again. You had actually beaten yourself up over the fact that you were unable to feel anything.

Consequently, when the shock had started to wear off and was replaced by excruciating pain - you hadn't been prepared at all. It was a pain, unlike anything you had ever felt before. You were filled with sorrow and sadness, feelings so strong that you didn't think they would ever go away.

The thought of never talking to Eijiro again hit you hard. This wasn't just temporary, this was for forever.

You had always taken for granted how you could reach him with just the press of a button on your phone. If you attempted to do that now, you wouldn't receive an answer, no matter how many times you would try to dial his number.

The reality that he was gone was also apparent in the fact that, no matter how often you checked your messages, it was never his name that popped up on the screen. You had always texted each other every little thing that happened throughout the day, so not receiving these messages anymore was almost unbearable. It was yet another thing that you had taken for granted.

You looked out of the window, the weather was as gloomy as the mood inside of your house. Katsuki had stayed with you ever since that night, and even though you were thankful that he was there for you, it was also dragging you down.

Seeing him around you was a perpetual reminder that Eiji was gone and that it was just the two of you left. You also felt constant guilt towards Katsuki because he kept trying to cheer you up and you knew that your lack of acknowledgement was disappointing him. You didn't want to upset him by turning down every attempt he made to brighten your mood, but you just weren't ready for it.

If you were honest, you wanted to live out the pain and no longer try to hide behind other emotions. This pain, no matter how excruciating it felt, was proof that Eiji had been with you, that he had been real and that he wasn't just a fragment of your imagination.

You weren't masochistic, but the pain was proof that his absence caused your body to be in distress. And you felt like this was the ultimate symbol of your love for him. You had to let this pain roam free, you owed it to your husband.

You knew that the reason why Katsuki didn't want you to experience the pain was that he didn't want to see you suffer. Still, you secretly wished that he would just let you deal with this situation the way you felt was best for you.

The ring of the doorbell made both of you look at each other. You weren't expecting any visitors and, quite frankly, you also didn't particularly feel like talking to anyone. Nonetheless, you got up, your heart beating faster. You knew that it wasn't Eijiro who was waiting behind that door, but even still, a part of you wished for the impossible.