Say My Name and I'll Be There

Chapter 10

"She hasn't spoken since yesterday."  Aether sat down with a sigh.  "I'm worried.  What happened back there?  She isn't injured."

"It was her first large-scale battle.  I am sure she is just a bit rattled," Zhongli covered for you and Xiao as he sipped his tea.

"She didn't even want to spar this morning either," Childe pouted.

"Has she told you anything, Xiao?"  Aether looked to the yaksha for answers.

"No." You didn't have to.  He saw the look in your eyes; you knew.  The only thing he was unsure of was whether you were more angry with him for keeping himself a secret, or disturbed by the memories of your village's destruction.  Human emotions were a foreign concept to him after all.

The fact of the matter was that you were angry with yourself for thinking the mob of abyss mages were a "party."  If you had known better...if you had the knowledge of the monsters...you would have been able to effectively warn everyone in the village that day before the mages got close.  The guilt and self-loathing overwhelmed you for the fifth time today.  You knew it was stupid to beat yourself up for your perception of the monsters as a child, but you still felt responsible.

"I'm so sorry, Momma.  I'm so, so sorry," you cried as you watched cranes fly in the afternoon light.  You were sitting on a rock that overlooked a small ravine, several feet away from the rest of your teammates.  You felt a presence next to you and looked over, tears still falling down your cheeks.

Xiao eyed you carefully and wondered what the appropriate course of action would be.  He understood the concept of loss.  He understood the guilt of one's own actions.  When he looked at you, that was all he saw swirling in the depths of your eyes.  He thought back to his previous interactions and observations with humans.  They liked to be held in times like this, didn't they?  Xiao finally knelt beside you and placed a hand on the nape of your neck, his thumb rubbing your skin as if it were the best way to convey his emotions.

This finally gave you enough courage to meet his gaze, and you leaned forward.  Xiao was shocked when you hugged him, but hearing your muffled sobs against his chest helped him regain his composure.  Gentle arms enveloped you in an embrace you never knew you needed.  He eventually gathered the curiosity and the courage to stroke your hair until you calmed down.

Soft, he thought to himself.

"Thank you for saving me," you spoke in a muffled voice after your tears had dried.  "But why did you?"

"You confused me."

"Huh?" You pulled away to look at him with a scrunched-up nose and puffy eyes.  "What does that mean?"

"An injured child doesn't normally laugh.  I wanted to see if you'd be as strange when you grew up."

"That...is the most ridiculous reason I've ever heard," you managed a giggle.  Was it just you, or was there a hint of a smile on his lips?  You could never tell with him.

"Being unable to understand human emotion does not make me emotionless," he let go of you and sat down so there was enough space between the two of you.

You dared to gaze up at his profile, with stars in your eyes once you realized how gorgeous he looked in the afternoon light.  His eyes shone like fire, which provided a striking contrast to the calm glimmering of his blue hair.  To think that my crush would turn out to be my savior back then--wait, what did I just say?  You blinked your thoughts away and forced yourself to look into the ravine.

"Do you remember your village?"  Xiao's sudden question prompted you to look at him again.

"Just from that day.  Fleeting images of the fires and of my momma's face.  The taste of blood that wasn't my own.  Granny said that he--no, you brought me to her after you healed me...How did you manage it?  Are you also a healer?"

Xiao drew in a breath.  He opened his mouth to speak, and shut it again.  We're not alone.  His gaze shifted to the trees behind you, and he caught the tail end of a shadow behind one of the trunks.  He wasn't stupid.  If this Harbinger were that arrogant in his tailing skills, it was Xiao's duty to pop that bubble of pride.  Thousands of years living both beneath Rex Lapis and his former 'boss'...and Childe had the audacity to challenge that experience with this sloppy act of eavesdropping?  This is pathetic, even for you, Harbinger.

"Xiao?"  You tensed and glanced behind you.  His hardened expression put you on edge, but there wasn't anything noteworthy behind you except the trees and the campsite.  Your gaze returned to the adeptus, who had hidden his annoyance and concern behind his usual poker face and disinterested gaze.

"Human minds cannot comprehend the methods in which adepti live.  You would not understand even if I told you."

"R-right," you shriveled back at his sudden cold demeanor, but knew he meant well.  Whatever he was thinking just now...surely he is neglecting to answer your question for your own safety.  Or is it for his own?  You dropped the subject.

Xiao visibly grimaced as he remembered his experience thousands of years ago, in a time before he served Rex Lapis and began destroying the evil spirits that plague Liyue.  A god had gotten hold of his name and used it to gain control over Xiao, and force him to do his bidding.  Zhongli had rescued the yaksha from that hell and renamed him.  To think that another similar incident may arise...and by a mortal this time?  Ridiculous.  Maybe that was why the Harbinger was on the team in the first place, following the will of the Tsaritsa instead of his alleged respect for Aether.  Or, perhaps he was after you and the adeptal blood flowing in your veins...to use you as a guide to create their very own adepti soldiers..."I'm leaving now,"  Xiao jumped to his feet without missing a beat.

"Oh, okay."  You struggled to decide whether or not to ask him about his visible distress.  

He nearly walked off right then, but stopped in his tracks.  He spun on his heel and walked back to you, kneeling so that his lips were directly next to your ear.  "Do not, under any circumstances, repeat your memories or our conversations to anyone."

"U-uh, what?  What do you mean?"  He pulled away just enough so that you were both eye-to-eye and noses touching.  T-this! This is kissing distance! Xiao?!  Blood rushed to your cheeks, and you tried to back up.

"Do we have a contract?"  Xiao's gaze never faltered, the hand on the back of your neck preventing you from moving away from him.

"I don't understand what you're trying to say!" You yelped and pressed your hands against his chest.  He let go of you.

"Do not speak of me or your childhood origins to anyone," he stood, "Zhongli is safe, but do not risk it with anyone else.  Do you understand?"

"O-okay," you nodded vigorously in an effort to end this conversation and your racing heart.  He disappeared before your eyes, and you exhaled breath you didn't know you were holding.  Don't trust anyone...why did he say that?