I never agreed with what they were doing, but it was the only way to survive now that the world had gone to shit. But when I meet these green eyes I can't help myself but to do everything I can to make sure she's safe. Even if I have to run to find...
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"The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen. A kingdom of isolation and looks like I'm the queen..." A smile tugs on my lips as I stare at the video of a little girl singing. My head tilts to the side, one hand holding the camera as my other keeps a firm grip on my pistol.
I don't even know why I keep doing this to myself. Why I look back on these stupid videos when all they ever do is cause me more pain than what's really needed. I mean I don't know what I'm getting from it all. The world's already in a shit hole. Was before and now it's 10x worse. Not a single cure in sight or even mentioned and it's been years.
My eyes close feeling tears rise into them. I shut the camera off and lay it down on the bed. A deep sigh escapes my lips as I bring the gun that I hold in my hand to my lap, so both of my hands can hold it. And that's where I stare and stare. My mind beginning to swirl and roll with all sorts of thoughts. Most of them being ones I use to help people with. Friends I use to have. But now...Now they're all gone. Dead. Some my own fault. Others? I'm not even sure where they are... My best guess is they're dead. Almost everybody I cared about is.
I shift in my position, clenching my jaw as I stare at the weapon. I pick up my eyes glancing to the ceiling before glancing back down. My teeth sink into my bottom lip as my left hand releases the weapon. My other hand holds a tight grip as I lift it up and place it to my right temple.
My teeth sink deeper into my bottom lip and my eyes close shut, tightly. A heavy, distorted breath escapes me as I pull back the clock and place my finger on the trigger. And I know now it's now or never. I can shoot myself in the head so I wouldn't have to keep living in this hell whole or messed up world. And so I won't turn into one... One of those... Those things. Walkers. Past. Dead. Eaters. Everyone calls them something different. I don't even care anymore. Not after seeing what they do.
Or I put the gun down. I don't pull the trigger and keep living or well trying to survive like I have been. Either way... It's a lose, lose situation.
Another deep, shaky breath escapes me as I push the gun closer to my head flinching at the touch, the cold, at how hard I was pushing. But it all comes to an end as three rapid knocks appear at the door. I jump, opening my eyes and pull the gun away. Quickly, I reset it making sure it's on safety lock before hearing a voice.
"Y/N! We got a new one!" Ryan shouts. "She's young! Let's go!" A sigh escapes my lips, but my ears perk up at Ryan's words. She's young. We haven't found anyone young in a while. Usually it's elderly people who have been bitten or middle aged people. Some useful, some... not so much. Ryan was one of those people. One of the useless ones as some around here would say but I saved him. I saw something in him. A guy in his mid to late 30s, upper body strength and smart. He was useful. He had a temper no doubt, but Ryan Wes was helpful.
"You dead in there?" Ryan's voice spoke again. A chuckle escapes my lips at his question considering what I was getting ready to do.
"Nope!" I shout back sliding my legs off of the mattress. "Give me a second!" Quickly I set my gun down onto the side of me then bend over slipping my boots on. I tie the strings quickly then stand. My eyes glance to the gun and pick it up, holstering it into my carrier. Finally I head to the door unlocking it and stepping out finding Ryan off to the side fidgeting with his wrist. I glance to it then look away putting up my hair into a ponytail.
