Until He Graduates [MewGulf]

Pasts and Unfinished Business

If a person truly wants to start a relationship, a healthy relationship, then said person should be on the up and up. That means, no secrets, no ulterior motives, and more importantly, no unfinished business that could potentially hurt the other person in the relationship.

Gulf already knows this. He does. And yet, he struggles to deal with it and instead, continually try to ignore his situation.

Does he really think a band-aid could heal something that's broken?

For the longest time, he's been trying to ignore his past. Thinking that if he pretends it never happened, then he could just go on with life worry-free. And for awhile, it did work! He was back to his happy and regular self. He was doing things that was safe and comfortable, but made him happy. He was living life as a conventional soul.

And then Mew came into his life.

With him, came along a tornado that tore apart all the barricades Gulf set up around him. And now he was forced to bare himself once again.

It was scary.

Even just the thought of it was enough to bring back all those memories he spent years burying deep down. And now they are resurfacing back again.

Because of him, Gulf's haunted by pain once again. But yet because of him, he has found love one more time.

Meeting Mew was both a blessing and a curse.

Blessing because with him around, he feels happy and loved. Like he is someone that truly mattered and someone worth everything he's given.

But at the same time, he is a curse. Because with him, came a realization that he can no longer hide behind the walls he has built to keep his past away from him. And in order to keep him in his life, he now has to fight a battle he's been trying to run away from.

'No boyfriend until I graduate, my ass..' Gulf scoffed at that. Does he really think that is the reason why he has been distancing himself from relationships? Because he wants to focus on his studies? To be free from commitments? Nope.

It's his cowardice.

He's scared to go back and be reminded of his past. He's scared to admit that he hasn't moved on yet, because he never took the time to feel the pain and slowly heal himself. All he did was cover it up with a million band-aids and pretended it never happened.

And now it has come back to haunt him.

If he truly wants to be with Mew, then he has to face his past and finally put an end to that chapter of his life. Only then can he be honest with himself and truly live in the present without a shadow of his past blocking the ray of happiness shining down on him.

Gulf looks down at the handsome face sleeping peacefully right next to him. Lifting a hand, he softly moves a single strand of hair to the side. Looking at him like this, he couldn't help but smile. How can he look like a harmless kitten when sleeping, but is actually an aggressive lion when awake?

He chuckled quietly. A part of him wanted to curse Mew for rattling his perfectly safe and comfortable life. But at the same time, he also wants to thank him for giving him a reason to finally face his past and hopefully move on from it. Without him, he never would've realized how much his past was limiting how he lives his life.

It would be painful. The road ahead is not going to be paved, but a rocky one. Gulf wants to think that he will come out unscathed but he also knows that is most unlikely. This was something he has buried deep down for years. Opening it back up again would surely cause some damage.

"However, for you," he whispered. "I'm willing to be burned one more time."

For him, he's willing to take that pain again.