DOLDRUMS [H.S]

20

I woke up to those bright rays of the sun shining through my window. I turned my face in the opposite direction, I groaned and stood up from the bed. 

After brushing my teeth, I took my robe out of my cupboard. I strip down and step slowly into the tub, turning the shower high letting the water droplets beat my skin. I crouched down with my knees tightly wrapped to my chest. I would mostly cry, but my eyes are tired of crying, tired of feeling weak. It's like I'm numb, I don't feel anything. So just keep reminding myself that I'm not numb not yet at least I cut, I cut deeper and deeper every time. Even if nothing happened I just want to see the blood oozing out of my skin.

I looked over to the cuts I made on my arm and legs, running my fingers along with them. Some of them were fading away, and some were fresh. I stood up with water dripping from my body on the floor, I didn't care to cover myself. I walked over to the washbasin and there was it. My new friend. Though I haven't tried playing with it I just couldn't think of anything else. I turned and walked back to the tub, with the razor in my hand.

I found a new place to draw, I pressed it again on my stomach. I don't feel anything, I slightly hissed at the burning sensation. That proves it I'm not numb. Blood oozing out from the fresh-cut I just made. Blood mixing with water, I took deep breaths while looking at the blood and water flowing down the drain.

I walk out and wrapped the robe around my body, I opened the door of my cupboard and took out my sweatshirt and a pair of jeans.

After changing, I walk down the stairs and headed to the kitchen. I was mentally battling with myself whether to eat or not. I was hungry but then the image of myself being ugly was all over my mind. I decided not to eat so I went to the living room and took a seat on the couch.

"Good morning honey" My dad walked out of his room with a yawn.

"Good morning dad" I replied.

"Do you want coffee I'm making some for myself" he asked through the kitchen.

Yes, I do.

"No I'm fine dad thanks" I replied and looked over to the newspaper on the table. My stomach kept making weird noises, I haven't eaten anything since yesterday. How to stop hunger was now my number one obsession.

To distract myself, I went back to my room. I took a deep breath and collapsed on the bed. 

Harry's pov:

And when you really love something, then it loves you back, in whatever way it has to love.

This was my favorite quote so far, it's been 2 days I guess I haven't talked to or heard from Grace. I and Louis were talking about her mental health yesterday, he told me they got into a fight and they're not talking to each other.

I felt a little bad for Grace, I wanted to be there for her, I still do. I tried to call her last night she didn't pick it up. Maybe I should give her some space, but then I'm worried she might do something she'll regret.

"Back to the earth Harry" Niall snapped me out of my thoughts. 

"Yeah what's up?" I asked.

"You know you are the most boring person, like come on we're on a road trip for god's sake Harry. Give that book a rest" he snatched the book from my hand and tossed it back on the backseat of the car.

"What the- forget it" I shake my head in annoyance. For me, road trips are the most boring things unless there's some music. Niall is not letting me play Queen's music instead he's playing I don't know some country music I think...

I sighed and looked out. 

"Hello?" I heard Niall talking to someone on the phone.

"Yeah, yeah sure. I'll be there" He hung up.

"Who was it?" I asked looking back at him

"It was Zayn, he needs my help. We will grab some food on our way back home, yeah?" he asked

"Sure" I nodded.

* * * * * * * * * * * 

You're not living if you're not regretting it.

As I turned to read another page, my phone buzzed from my pocket. I pulled it out, it was grace. I was a bit shocked or maybe surprised because I never really thought she would call me first.

"Hello?" 

"Ha-harry" she spoke through the phone. I can hear her sniffles.

"Grace, are you okay?" I asked.

"I-I don't know what-to-do, I'm trying I swear I can't do it please, please. It's all my fault make it stop please just make it stop" she cried. It was like my heart just shattered to hear her crying on the phone.

"I'm on my way, it's going to be okay I promise" I closed the door behind me and was surprised to see my car wasn't there.

Niall took my car! Damn it.

"Grace please don't do anything I beg you. Just keep on talking to me yeah?" I asked while running.

"I can't it's so hard."

 __________________________________

Well hello!

Ik it's hard and you're tired of trying but you're a badass remember?

You gotta stay strong! You can do this. I believe in you.