DOLDRUMS [H.S]

8

"Fine" He gave in.

I was relieved when he said that. I knew he would be angry at me later but I'll manage somehow.

"Can you stay here tonight" I asked.

 Tears were now soaked leaving spots on my cheeks, my eyes were now swollen and red especially the skin under my eyes felt a little dry.

He let out a deep sigh.

"Sure" He said.

"Where's John" He asked. My father always told Louis to call him by his name.

"He's in Europe for the weekend" I said.

"Oh" was all he said.

I splashed water onto my face, the water feels somewhat relaxing to my eyes. I watched the water droplets drip as if it was snatched by the gravity. I put my thoughts aside and wipe my face with a towel. I looked again in the mirror and my face was now clean but the scars inside my body weren't.

I changed into my normal Pajamas and head towards to my bed. I saw Louis sitting on the couch, chin placed in his hands.

"Goodnight" I said.

"Goodnight" He replied and laid down on the couch.

I was now laying on my bed, looking at the fan. I was thinking about the breakdown I had today in front of Harry. I felt a strange comfort in the hug he gave me. Its not like I haven't hug people before I have but there was something different about the one he gave me. The comfort I had when his arms were wrapped around me.

What would he think about my sudden breakdown? Its was my fault I know. What can I do to make it right?

Tears roll down my eyes. I quickly wiped them. God, why do I cry everytime? you're weak
my subconscious reminded. I know I am.

I felt a sudden burden on my eyes and I closed them.

"I'm proud of you Grace" my mom said to the 4 year old me.

"I love you mommy" I replied and walked towards her.

"I love yo-...." My mom vanishes into the thin air.

"Mom! Mom! Mom!" I cried looking around. She was no where to be found.

"Mom!!" I cried harder and harder remembering her beautiful face.

I suddenly woke up gasping for air. She's gone isn't she? She's gone because of me. Its my fault isn't it.

"Its my fault" I cried

"Its my fault"

"Its my fault" 

I kept repeating those words. 

"Grace what happened" Louis said turning on the lights.

"Its my fault, isn't it?" I asked.

"What? what you're talking about?" He asked.

"It was my fault that my mom died. Its my fault Louis. It is my FAULT" I screamed.

"No no no its not its not"He said softly rubbing his hands on my arms. It didn't affect me in the way it should. In the way it was used to. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall it says its 4 am.

My life is literally a nightmare.

"Sleep okay, I'm right here" He grabbed my hand drew circles on it, trying to relax me.

I laid down again still holding his hand. I again closed my eyes hoping the dream won't come again.

---------

I woke up to the irritating sound of my alarm. I saw Louis sleeping on the couch with his mouth open.

I smiled at the view in front of me.

I got up from my bed and stretched my arms and legs. I looked in to the mirror, and as usual I looked miserable.

After brushing my teeth and bathing. I changed into a normal sweatshirt with a pair of leggings. I tied my hair into a bun.

My stomach snarled and howled and from it came the not-so-subtle undertone of pain. It came in waves and it seemed as though my stomach was slowly digesting itself. I clutched at it, pulling it this way and that in an attempt to silence it but to no avail. It cried even louder, earning me a few curious stares. It was a slow pain, eating away at your stomach and leaving you feeling drained and empty.

I'm starving really.

I walk into the kitchen, grabbed a donut and made coffee for I and Louis.

"Good morning" Louis said.

"Good morning" I replied with a smile.

"Here's your coffee" I said handing him the cup.

"Thank you " He chirped.

We sat on the couch drinking our coffee. I was startled by the sound of my phone vibrating. I checked it and it had a text message from a unknown number. I wonder who's this.

*Hi* 

*Who's this?*

*Harry*

What no how he got my number?

*How do you got my number?*

*Well Louis gave it to me* I read.

"Louis seriously?" I said.

"What" amusement filled in his voice.

"Why did you gave him by number?" I asked. I was pissed not because he gave him my number but because....yeah that's the reason.

"Gave who your number?" He asked playing innocent.

I just rolled my eyes at him. He chuckled at my expressions.

*Are you alive?*
*Grace?*
*Knock knock*
*knock knock*
*knock knock* 

My phone vibrated in a continuous motion, I decide to check on it. My inbox was filled with messages of Harry.

*I am alive and stop spamming* I texted back.

*Sorry I was just checking out, if you still wanted to go?*

Do I still want to go? I have this question arise in my mind. If I go he'll probably ask about everything but then I feel bad for rejecting his offer.

*ehrm HELLO?* my phone vibrated again.

Geez he definitely lacks patience.

*Yes, I'll go*

*Fine, I'll pick you up. If that's okay with you?*

*Yep its fine*

*Time?*

*2 pm?*

*okay cool, see ya*

Harry's pov:

 I waited for her to text back.

*Yes* She texted back. I was smiling and reading the messages again and again.

I was kinda shocked at the breakdown she had yesterday, and I think she is feeling okay today. 

"Ew you stink" Niall said walking past me.

"Shut the fuck up horan" I groaned and throw a pillow at him.

"That's kinda true mate" Liam said.

"What?" I asked.

"That you stink" He said. 

"Ugh fine I'm heading to the showers" I groaned again.

I grabbed a towel and went into the bathroom.