twenty-five

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"How do we forgive ourselvesfor all the things we did not become?"- David Luben

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"How do we forgive ourselves
for all the things we did not become?"
- David Luben

They're... dead?

No, no, no... Is this what the book meant by the unfortunate loss of the things they treasure most...? It can't be.. right? And "things" is plural... plural! That means there's going to be more than just this horrible death- that because of me and my misfortune... I'm truly ruining their lives.

The three of us exit to the outside of the front gates. My eyes gaze up and down upon the traveler- who held a note in his hand. Once he sees us, the traveler straightens up, bowing to us. He didn't have much to say but with the look in his eyes, he must've seen it happen. Handing me the note, I softly take it, sighing out as even I... try to keep the tears out of my eyes.

The four princes had already gathered around me, waiting for me to open the scroll. So, I do. "Dear sons, it's unfortunate that things happened so quickly. I couldn't wait to see you all grow up as happy as you could be. Please take special care of yourselves and Joseon; as we can't be there to say our lovely goodbyes and pass the palace to you. I know this must be very alarming but I trust that you all can handle this. Your father and I are watching you safely, we will be okay. Yeonjun, it's time for you to take the crown. It's in your father's throne room where he settles all his jewelry. We trust you will take care of Joseon with your brothers and Youra's help. It's time for you to learn what we could not teach you- How to be a prince. We love you all so much, and please be safe. Do not be weary, for we are always here..."

"...Love, your mother, and your father."

It's only there that I realize the domino effect that places itself on the growing grasslands- that Yeonjun won't feel his freedom anymore. He will have to travel and manage Joseon alongside Sana. The Grand Princes will feel unsafe... in fact, all of Joseon will feel unsettled. Their King and Queen has died and now an illegitimate child is an heir to the throne? This fate is being ruined each second. Besides that, I must be the last thing that gives them the loss of the things they treasure most- Joseon. I will be their betrayer- in fact, I already feel like a sinner.

My eyes flicker to Yeonjun, who already has run off, probably to his room.

"Mom... dad..." Eunwoo starts to sob, causing the awkward tension to arise. The oldest two somehow keep their cool- especially Seungcheol. However, his heart can't hide the cold, unstable glint in his eyes. He was hurting much more than anyone else in their family. He loved his parents much more than he loved himself- he's going to plan revenge, I can already feel it. 

I turn away from them- I can't keep my composure if I see them all cry together. King and Queen Choi were just so accepting of me... even if I don't belong here. They took me and praised me, loved me as if I was their own daughter. However, I can't just cry over myself loving them. Yeonjun must be hurting. The three have each other... but Yeonjun is all alone.

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