Filled with the thoughts of unluckiness, all her life she's believed she has no fortune. Stuck with those thoughts and an unfinished past, she's sucked into centuries before- given the chance to rewrite a doomed fate. With a few princes and some swo...
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"You are my word, my sentence, my entire language." - SHINee, "Countless"
I leave the palace, following not far from Eunwoo and Sana. People watch them in confusion as they argue, again and again, some "tsking" or shaking their heads. Even I shook my head too. The two never seem to get enough of each other- and it's killing me. I feel like a wing-woman- no, maybe a hitwoman instead. Of course, I am not killing the Crown Princess and Grand Prince, but it's like I'm settling their disputes.
Besides that, I still have to make the choice of having Sana and Eunwoo meet "at the throne" whatever that means... or stop them from getting near it? Now, if you think about it, I have no other background information than the fact that- one, Yeonjun is an illegitimate crown prince possibly because of pity. Second, people are trying to kill Yeonjun because there are people who know that he's not under the same surname, and third, they want Eunwoo to be the heir to the throne instead.
It's not even my place to be here- well, okay maybe since I caused this... but you get what I'm saying right? It's a royal affair, not a-girl-fell-from-the-sky's affair.
"I'm sick of quarreling with you," Eunwoo sighs frustratingly, shaking his head. "This will get us nowhere, but I'm serious, don't get in the way of his crowning. I don't want to be the Wang. Got it?!"
"Eunwoo, I've sacrificed so much for you so that we could rule together. I've had people slaughter others and you're acting as if nothing happened? What's wrong with you!?" She says that awfully loud for being in front of the town, but it seems like they're all minding their business knowing it's the princess. "Don't you see this is all for you-"
"I was never a part of your plan, Sana," He hisses at her, pointing right in her face. Damn, Eunwoo got real disrespectful real quick. "You did this all for yourself and easily blinded me and the city to think you loved me. You may, but if you truly had good intentions with me, you wouldn't try to kill my brother. You're still going to be that same princess who wants her status more than she wants happiness."
His words absolutely stun Sana, causing her to stop in her tracks. Eunwoo walks away, leaving the poor princess to sulk as she dramatically squats to the ground. Half of me considers sympathizing with her... while the other begs not to.
Honestly, I can see how she feels. All her life, she's been given this... this expectation... to live up to. I bet all she wanted to do was live a normal life. She truly has fallen for that Grand Prince... but then again, her ego will not let this chance bypass. She certainly wants that crown... but what will she get out of it when it's an age of men who rule?
And even worse, the women are like housewives. Even if we are queens... princes... court women... our lives are still consumed and taken over by men in long robes. (Ancestors, quick PSA: I'm sorry but I didn't pay attention in history- bear with me please...)
I walk up to her, looking down at her. What a change of events- she usually looks down on me. Her head tilts upward as her gaze locks with mine, the girl sighing frustratingly. I was probably the last one she wanted to see today. "What do you want?"
"Did you kill them?" The question slips out so swiftly- just-so-audible that I think she can hear it. She stands up and leans forward ever-so-slightly, her face crushed with confusion and hurt.
"What did you say?"
"Did you kill them?" I repeat, my fists balled up in a fit of anger. I did not want to throw a punch today. I really didn't. "You can tell me. I already knew you were apart of that scheme."
"What kind of friend are you?" She hisses softly, looking down at her feet. "Yeah, I admit I knew they died before anyone else. Yeah, I admit I took the initiative to send them out... but I didn't know they'd die. Don't blame me for a mistake I didn't cause." She shoves past me, trying to walk away- but I didn't want to let her get away so easily.
"What's your obsession with power, Sana?" She halts in her steps, her head twisting around as she glares at me. My eyes narrow, my arms crossing in a habit. "I don't understand you. Are you going to let life boss you around forever? You're going to let a few words define your whole story? What's wrong with you? Do you think it's right to try and kill someone?"
"You will never know how it feels to live up to your family's expectations, Youra," My name coming from her mouth feels like literal hellfire, the girl burning me inside-out. How could I get along with her when she's internally hideous. "You will never know how it feels to cower and hide and wait for time because time waits for you-"
"You don't think I don't know how it feels? Hell, I've been through it all my life!" I scream, pointing right at her. She blew my fuse- I was ready to rant. "All my life, I was told that I'd never become successful because of my misfortune- that everyone around me would have bad luck. Nobody listened to me when I said I wanted to give up. You and I may not be in the same world, but we live the same life. Where I'm from, we have people who hate, judge, and kill others."
"They feed off of false hope and love. They expect so much and when they're given so little, they proceed to murder the ones who have less than them. My expectations are different from yours, Sana. You may have your family against you... but the whole world has been against me the moment I left my mother's womb-" I inhale sharply, my finger shaking as I can't help but stab knives at her with my glare. "-So you... will never know how it feels to live this way. You will never know the feeling of being stuck in the rain because people left you. You will never know how your feet give up because you couldn't take transport. You will never know anything about what I go through. So keep your negativity to yourself."
Before I could leave the scene, I halt. "Eunwoo's right. You really a princess who wants her status more than she wants happiness." And I leave the plaza. I'm fired up. That princess doesn't understand. At this point, I don't care if I slipped some words about where I come from. She'd barely know about the surrounding places out of Joseon- especially Seoul (because it doesn't exist here.)
Her words swallow me up though. She and I are from Seoul, but in this life, we are from different places. I know nothing about her in this life. Even so, she's different from Seoul Sana.
Even I... am different from Seoul Sana.
I know neither Sanas'- Joseon Sana and Seoul Sana.
In fact... do I really know anyone at all? With my misfortune, I have been lied to, cursed at, hated...
