unfortunate. | 연준 √

thirty-seven

"Reject your sense of injury,
and the injury itself disappears."
- Marcus Aurelius

"Then I must tell you now before you go making the same mistakes just as you did when I first met the old you-" He cuts short, letting me turn around as I face him with fearful eyes.

"You killed him, Youra."

"Wh... What?"

"You cause him to sacrifice his life for Joseon which causes him to kill himself... yet you push the dagger deeper inside him."

His words slice me apart, causing me to kneel against the bathtub. My hands start to tremble, my eyes looking for comfort as they stagger views to avoid the tears. Yet, like a downfall stream, the water starts, causing my tears to fall on my hands. My dirty hands. I can imagine the blood, the terrible person I truly was having the people witness Yeonjun's downfall.

I... killed him? I plunged that dagger into his heart which loved me so yet... I still killed him because... because what? And as if my questions seem to be answered, Ho Seok hands me the closed autobiography of weird fantasies, my hands trembling as I take it from his hands. "You don't have to worry. You're different now- a new Min Youra. Even though these are your past sins, you can't do much. That's why it's best that you were given this chance to change things and to follow the storyline while making things right. However... I must warn you- sometimes, you must change the storyline."

I look at him as I am left speechless, gazing back down at the book's dusty cover. Opening it, I brush past the old pages, trying to forget it all. However, as I reach the newest page, it seems that not everyone has their beautiful happy ending.

"Everyone is in chaos, watching as the Crown Prince walks through the town.

"When will you give up!" The crowd resounds, screaming at the upcoming King Yeonjun inhales sharply, tears running down his face. He couldn't take this pain. He was trying. He really was. Yet, with his heart still set on being a careless prince again and living with his lover, he remembers his father. His father told him to never give up... even if he wasn't real Choi.

Someone nudges the warrior Youra, causing her to turn their way. The lady snickers, looking between her and Yeonjun. "Don't you think he's a horrible Prince? You'd be a better ruler, Warrior Min."

"Uh... well, I think he's doing great...?"

"Oh, don't lie, Warrior Min! Come on, how about we throw him off the throne? Are you with me?" Youra was scared of them... what they'd do to her if she ever refused... 

"O-Okay. We can overthrow him." So, she does- she plans with that lady who was once someone in the palace, slowly falling in love with Yeonjun as time goes by. They do fall in love... but how ruined it would become knowing his death is coming ever so soon."

"And that lady is Sana's mother," Ho Seok speaks, making my head immediately turned to my right. I was affiliated with such a horrible person? Joseon Min Youra, what the hell! "Anywho, I don't expect you to kill anyone this time. Of course, you shouldn't- but you will go through this event well soon. Please... do not give in to her demands."

"As if I will... pff," I try to hold back my tears, my pain, knowing that Yeonjun had died by my hands. "Hey... you said you met Joseon Youra, right? Who was she?"

"Of course, I met her when she first left Joseon. I never met her after that- nor did I meet the princes. It was kind of like parallel universes," Ho Seok snickers, shaking his head. "However, Seungwan has met her many times- which is why she knew you were the missing Gongju. She's told me how your past self was very insecure about who she was, considering she had to live up to the legacy of being one of the most memorable queens yet. Since you're unaware of the history and all about it—of course, because you're awfully stupid and don't pay attention in class,— I'll educate you."

"Oh, shut up about that!" We both laugh despite the tense atmosphere, Ho Seok shaking his head as he points to the lotus up above. "Min Youra was going to be a queen. Of course, she is considered one after Yeonjun died. She killed her next husband, soon getting expelled from the palace. Your past self wasn't a good person whatsoever... and that's possibly why you've been given bad karma."

"However, it was quite the thrill for Seungwan to see a boy revive from the mist, recognizing that years ago, she remembered the young butterfly boy being happy with the warrior. Now, he's alive and back into the palace- and I would say your arrival most startled her. However, I think she trusted you considering that you were oblivious to this story. The quest part also gave her hope you wouldn't kill him again because well... you can tell from my story what the outcome may become."

"So, I'm supposed to stop myself from ruining the dynasty- which means I need to stop Yeonjun from killing himself?" Ho Seok nods, making me scratch my head in confusion. "Well, that's quite the mental problem."

"You don't live in the modern age anymore, Youra. People here take actions and words a lot harsher depending on what they mean."

"People are just like that in Seoul nowadays. Sensitive brats- like Sana."

"Sana's in your modern age?" He widens his eyes, making me nod. "Wow."

"Yeah. Eunwoo, Sana, Seungwan..." I smile, shaking my head. "It's quite the story, don't you think?"

"I must agree. Yet, Youra... From now on, you have to rush."

"Why?"

"Well, you've been training, confronting, and trying to help around the palace as if you belong here that you've forgotten that you still need to go home. Plus, you only have two weeks left to properly finish out this quest before you're punished to stay here."

"Two weeks... but, Ho Seok, how must I even save him?"

"I would tell you this, but even I don't properly know." Ho Seok sighs, rubbing his temples in a motion to ease his head. "All I know is this: That you must redeem yourself in front of the eyes of the one you've wronged- of the beholders."

What makes it worse that there are several beholders- which means I'll have to gather them to apologize. Am I supposed to apologize? To tell the truth? To kill? I don't want to do any of that and cause my downfall. It feels as if I am becoming just as insane as my past self- which makes me upset. 

Probably because she killed several people. We can cross that off my list.

"Anyway, I trust that you will figure this out," Ho Seok ruffles up my hair, causing me to huff and punch him in the shoulder. Chuckling, he stands up, giving me his hand as I stumble to get on my feet. "Nothing is your fault in this life- you've become a better you. Do not blame yourself for something you wish you never became."

He walks towards the bathroom door, but halts. "You know, lotuses in greek mythology persuade a dreamy forgetfulness; a feeling that you are unwilling to depart from what has happened." Turning his head to look at me one last time, he smiles softly. "Do not be like the old Min Youra- someone who could not depart from the words of the beholders."

With his words, he exits the bathroom- and I believe that'll be the last time I see him alone.