Phantom Love

Chapter 19: Emerson

       Once I'm finished cleaning up the dishes from lunch I turn to Raven who has been helping me dry. Is she doing the most fantastic job in the world? Definitely not, I really don't think she's ever dried a dish before, but she's putting in the effort and that's what I appreciate the most. She could have chosen to be in the back yard right now with all of the other guys but she wanted to stay behind and help me so I wasn't alone. It means more to me than I think she'll ever understand.

       There would have been a point in my life that I would have driven this woman away from just being the unhealthy version of myself that I was. I used to need to control every aspect of my day, well my whole life actually. When I wasn't desperately trying to control everything around me I was withdrawing to gain resources to go back out and do it again. Eventually, thanks to Kieran and Leandre I started to see that my need to control everything around me was controlling me. I was a flashy, cocky, piece of shite that looked down on everyone because that's what the world had done to me. Figured it was fair. Now though, I realize that it wasn't the world that had turned it's nose up on me, just other elves and supes who don't understand what dark elves are due to misconceptions perpetrated by the high fae to keep our numbers in check. 

        Elves, when turned dark, generally choose to commit suicide to save their family from humiliation. If they don't then most are executed for whatever reason the high fae can come up with. My father had escaped that fate, met my mother, and here I am. Half dark elf, half human. I look like any regular elf during the day but every night, or any time I feel overwhelming emotions, my pale skin takes on a lavender hue and my eyes go from amber to almost black. It's why I've always hated going out at night and have always chosen to stay within the comfort of my own space. It takes a lot for me to keep myself in control, especially around the people I love. The last time I went out with the guys it drained me more than I'd like to admit. When we visited the counsel I could tell that they were lying about something while also treating my family like the dirt beneath their boots. It took every ounce of will power I had not to say something. 

       I would have, had Forrest and I not talked about it on the way over. We knew something was up even before that meeting and he reminded me of why it's a good idea to keep a level head. Many people see Drazik as Forrest's right hand man due to their close relationship but in terms of rank I am actually second to Forrest. My ego would have loved it had I of usurped his power and taken control but I knew where my calling was when we met him thankfully. It was not for me to be in power but to instead use my power to help others find theirs. So that's what I did. I'm absolute shite at dealing with emotions so everyone goes to Drazik for that but when it comes to needing a job or advice on what to do in their professional lives I use my well honed instincts to guide them. Forrest always does what is right and I find that I'm okay not leading if he's in charge. I can trust him to be fair and just while also not trying to control me. This family I've found myself in both baffles and nurtures me in so many ways. It's where I'm meant to be. 

       "All done." Raven says, setting the still very damp bowl down on the counter, halfway on the towel, halfway off.

       "Thank you for helping me, darling." I say, giving her a small smile. 

       I probably should show her some type of affection right? For the love of the courts I honestly don't know what to do with someone I actually care about. In the past I would have charmed her into bed without a second thought and left her just as easily. I would have used my ability of interpersonal awareness to get something out of her but that isn't me anymore, hasn't been in a long time. The only issue with that is I haven't had a lover I've actually cared for since I was the old me and I don't know how the more secure, laid back, and healthy version of me should go about it.