Just A Weirdo ✓

~ 26 ~

[Final]

(Present)

"...that's what happened," I finished my story. "and now I'm starting to doubt my decisions. Things aren't the same for me anymore and it's eating me up inside," I explained before gnawing my lower lip.

I was with Dr Brody, my psychiatrist. Many things had been eating me up inside and I was honestly tired of bottling them inside of me. It was toxic and unhealthy for me. It took a lot of courage to come and tell her the story of how I met Levi and my deepest worries. She listened intently and tried to grasp what the issue was.

I was doing regular checkups with her and today was supposed to be the last day. But I had a lot to say after my evaluation and behaviour tests. My mother couldn't come this time but she always made an effort to be around, especially after the conversation we had months back. She was trying to be a good mother to me.

To this day I still regretted rejecting Levi. I couldn't take back my actions and missed out on a lot of things. Now that I thought of it, I was being selfish back then. Levi didn't deserve all the things I said to him. It didn't add up.

"I see, Debra," Dr Brody sighed as she adjusted her glasses. "The problem here was that you were afraid to get attached since you wanted to avoid another heartbreak. You experienced that after your father's death, when you felt overlooked by your own mother and lost the people you called friends to a boy. You believed this young man could never understand you and that's why you deprived yourself of happiness. Since he hurt you a few times, you thought it was something that was inevitable and expected it happen over and over again."

She looked down at her clipboard before continuing, "You believed your biggest enemy was how naive you were. And due to that, you kept your feelings and heart in a shell."

I stared up at the boring ceiling and took deep breaths. "Can I do something about it?" I asked, my voice barely passing as a whisper.

"I think the first thing you should do is to open up to your surroundings. You should be aware of what's going on around you. Not everybody will come to you with bad intentions. And if you do come across someone with negative energy, you should learn to accept that it's life. If someone likes you, they'll like you. If someone cares for you, they will. If someone dislikes you, there's nothing you can do about it. It's how humans work and most of all, it's life. If something is bothering you, you should be vocal about it and try to see what you can do about it. Not only for your happiness but also for your peace of mind," she said and I nodded in understanding.

"I'll try to improve my way of thinking."

"But it doesn't mean you should forget yourself when doing it," Dr Brody pointed out.

°°°
I fixed the woollen scarf around my neck and put my hands in the pockets of my coat. It had been snowing for a few days now. I approached my car in the hospital's parking lot and climbed in. Man, it was flipping cold outside.

The car was officially mine after Cassidy went to college in August. The house wasn't the same without her but we learnt to live with it. And maybe you are wondering how my senior year is going so far?

Levi and his group left me with the popularity that I didn't ask for. I also missed Naomi but she texted me whenever she got the chance. She was currently in New York. Many people at school tried befriending me but I only found myself sitting with this new girl from New Zealand, Maya.

She didn't know what happened in the past and for sure didn't talk to me for the popularity. In fact, I was the one who approached her in class. I had learnt to act like nobody was giving me attention.