SID (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 7 (The Shitcademy, for pussies of all sizes!)

"Iruka-sensei! What are you doin' here?!"

"Dolphin-fucker?"

"No, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the academy."

"The shitcademy?"

Iruka deadpanned before pointing at Sid.

"And who is this? An accomplice?"

"Nah man, I'm innocent! Well, as innocent as a awesome badass, fatass, luscious ass, big dick worshipping ass person like me could be."

Iruka was lost in the first sentence.

"I- what?" He honestly didn't think he would have to deal with a person- a child like this.

"That's right, lick the ground I walk on and kiss my toes like you have a feet kink, you nasty slutty ass little horny bitch!"

And then Iruka recalled what the Hokage had told him yesterday afternoon.

"Wait a minute! You're the vulgar girl with a weird personality complex, aren't you?! You're...Sid, was it?" He put his hands on his hips like some Karen.

Sid gasped in shock and overdramatics.

"You know of me?! Which bingo book am I in?! I knew it was just a matter of time before they put me on there!!"

"Bingo book? No!" Iruka shook his head. "The Hokage told me all about you!"

Sid clenched her shirt in betrayal. 

"That traitor! I should've known he'd tell people about me! That lying, backstabbing, old, wrinkly, stupid ass-"

Iruka tripped Sid, making her fall flat on her face as he quickly tied her in rope like he did with Naruto.

What!? Is that why Narudo has been so strangely quiet this whole time!?

"Bitch!" She cursed at Iruka as he holled them both on a shoulder.

"The Hokage told me to not take any chances with you." He shrugged.

"You bastard!! You won't get away with this!"

_______________/___/_________________////////

Iruka dropped Naruto and Sid like a bunch of crusty, dirty potatoes that had gone bad.

Naruto was awake, but Sid wasn't. Soon, Naruto took a accidental sacrifice to wake her up.

"Ah, fucking hell..." Sid grumbled before she looked up and around at the room. "What is this!? A weird building with stupid ass kids with weird dog fetishes!?"

She eyed Kiba before her eyes roamed over to Sasuke.

"And duck fetishes? What has this world come to!?" She gasped in horror.

"Quiet, you!" Iruka scolded her.

Sid turned her head to look at him.

"Suck my left toe, my right nut, and my big dick energy!!"

Iruka gained a tic mark before he just put tape over her mouth.

Did this ugly plain lookin' head ass with a dolphin fetish just fucking slap tape over my mouth with his dirty, long, crusty dusty musty rusty bone feelin' fingers!? Oh hell to the nee-haw!

Sid squirmed around in the ropes before a brilliant idea came to her mind. She smirked underneath the tape to the best of her ability.

And she started moving her upper body to the door with her lower body scrunching up.

Move like a snek, m-move like a snek. She repeated in her head.

She didn't make it very far before Iruka's head ass had to yell at her after he tried to tend to Naruto.

"You!! What are you doing!? Trying to escape?"

Obviously, Karen. She thought sarcastically.

Iruka untied her ropes and removed the tape from her mouth like removing a bandaid from a leg.

It hurt, but not too bad. Stings a lot, but not much. 'Tis but a scratch. Sid reminded herself.

Still, she couldn't resist the urge to have others hear her pain.

"Ow!" She yelped. "You pointy fingered flat-ass motherfucker! That hurt like a buttcheek on a stick!"

Murmurs of confusion whisped around the room.

As they should. Sid internally crowned herself queen like she should.

She pointed at Iruka.

"What kind of mother raised your ass? A Karen!? The common indecency disgusts me!" She insulted him.

Iruka glared at her. "I lost my mother at a young age. Don't insult people, either!"

Sid gained a look of shock before she grinned.

"Oh, really? Me too, bud! Let's sit down and talk about our traumatic backstories in front of the whole classroom like we're telling them bedtime stories!"

She then flailed her arms around.

"Let's turn this shit into a shitfest! Am I right people, or are you wrong?"

Many didn't even know how to register her question.

Iruka gained a tic mark. "Just introduce yourself to the class, now!"

Sid shrugged her shoulders before waving at everyone.

"What up, I'm Jared, I'm 19, and I never fucking learned how to read."

Iruka made sure to bonk her hard on the head for that.

"Stop messing around! Don't make me go get Lord Hokage!"

Sid rolled her eyes. "And what's that old coot gonna do? Fart on me like he ate some eggs? Y'all nasty."

Iruka raised his hand in a threatening manner before Sid raised her arms, surroundering.

"Alright, alright dude! Just take your regular 3 hour a day chill pill!" She heaved a sigh in relief when he put his hand down.

"Geez, the mans got some anger issues. Needs therapy." She muttered, but everyone could hear her.

"JUST INTRODUCE YOURSELF!!" Iruka yelled at her.

Sid put a hand up in a friendly gesture.

"Sup, I'm Sid. I can teach you the arts of bullshitting your way out of things, like how I jumped out the Hokage's window."

Technically, she wasn't lying.

But Iruka still bonked her on the head before he told her to go take a seat.

"Alright-" She stopped in her tracks. "Wait a damn minute-"

Sid looked around before she looked at Iruka.

"Where's my bro Nardo?"

Iruka sweatdropped. "You mean Naruto? You fell asleep on my shoulder on the way over to the academy-"

"I call bullshit!" Sid called out. Iruka deadpanned.

"Alright, fine. You kept trying to get off my shoulder, and I almost lost my balance a few times, so I knocked you out with a little bit of chloroform-"

"Ah, yes. Good 'ol chloroform."

"You were gone in the first few seconds you smelled it." Probably because I didn't get much sleep last night.. Sid thought, actually a bit serious for once.

"Anyways, we arrived here at the academy, and I tried to wake you up after I woke Naruto up. I touched your shoulder, and you punched the closest thing near you, which was Naruto's face." Iruka explained.

"And then that's when I woke up to a whole room of kids with weird fetishes looking at me like some creepy mofo's." 

Sid nodded her head. Seems legit.