If I Go

Chapter 13

I then closed my eyes as Doctor Larry pushed a button. I felt the platform below my body move forward. I opened one eye to take a peek at what I was heading towards. A circular machine came into view as I was slowly inching towards it. Larry's voice echoed in my mind; stay still. I tried to do what I was told and focused on being as stiff as a board. 

I could feel my body being squeezed into the machine; slowly but surely. It felt like I was being squeezed into a jar. A loud, atrocious noise filled my ears as I was completely submerged in the machine. I was beginning to get a bad migraine with the noise bursting loudly in my ears. I just wanted to put my hands over my ears and block the sound out. But I didn't. I couldn't. I had to stay still. 

And so I did just that; I stayed still. 

A few hours passed and eventually it wsa over. I pealed my eyes open and squinted against the harsh lights above me. There was a ringing noise in my ears, and my head was pounding. I was completely drained of all the strength that I had before the MRI. I felt weak and fragile, like if someone touched me I would break into pieces. 

Doctor Larry came to my side and smiled at me. "You did great. It went smoothly and it's a good thing you stayed still, otherwise you'd still be in there." He gestured towards the machine I just came through. "Your nurses will be here shortly to escort you back to your room." 

"Okay," I replied. 

I was so exhausted that I wasn't sure if I would be able to get up from the platform. Once the nurses entered the room, they helped me get off the platform and before I knew it I was back in my room. I plopped down in my hospital bed as the nurses fluffed up my pillows and tucked me in. 

There was a knock at my door and one of my nurses went to get it. She opened it to reveal Dr. Larry waltzing in my room with a clipboard in his hands. What is with this hospital and clipboards? 

"Hello Natalie. Long time no see," He chuckled at his own play on words. Then he continued. "I just wanted to tell you that you will get the results from the MRI in a few weeks, days, or hours depending on how long we will analyze and scrutinize over it. Loretta will give you the results once we're done." 

"Okay. Thanks Dr. Larry," I replied with a fake smile. 

Dr. Larry beamed back. "No problem, Natalie." Then he walked out of the room with the nurses scurrying out alongside him. 

Once the door gently closes behind them, it's just quiet. Silence has filled the room and the only thing I could hear was the ringing in my ears. Once my ears adjusted to the silence, it stopped. My head stopped pounding, my heart slowed down a bit, and I relaxed. My body, my mind, and my heart completely relaxed. 

Now all I had to do was wait. Wait for the MRI results. Wait for Loretta to report them to me. Wait for what was in store for me next. That's all I had to do. I just had to wait, I thought. I just had to be patient and wait. 

A few hours ticked by, as I stared at the door of my room. My eyes were glued to it. Every time I thought it was Loretta coming through the door, it was a nurse giving me food, or someone walking loudly in the halls. 

I stared glumly at the door, my eyelids drooping. I teared my eyes away from the door and glanced at the clock. It read eight o'clock in the evening. It's eight already? Dismissing that thought, I gave my undivided attention to the door. To the firm, stiff, wooden door. My eyes kept darting back and forth to the door and the clock and back again. The hours became lengthy and long, as if dragged on by a snail. 

I was itching with anticipation inside, and the butterflies started to come out of their cocoons and burst out like a flood in my stomach.  

What's taking so long? How long does it take to just analyze my body? Why am I still up at three in the morning? Why am I still waiting for Loretta to creak the door open? Let's face it, I'm probably not going to know until tomorrow. Why am I so nervous about the MRI results? It's just an X-ray of my body, no big deal. But yes, to me it is a big deal because it interpets whether I am stable or not. 

The clock keeps ticking as I keep waiting, waiting for Loretta to come into my room with her clipboard in her hands.