If I Go

Chapter 5

I just stood there, my mouth agape as I watched the nurses flood around me. I've been watching them putting tubes inside me. There was an IV in my arm, and a heart monitor. As far as I know I'm still alive, but it doesn't feel that way. 

I then walked out of my ER room, not wanting to look at my pale face any longer. I made a left turn into the waiting room. Last night my parents left the hospital because they had to work, and Chloe and Gaven left for school, obviously. So all I saw was old women knitting, and a couple of them flipping magazines, but none of them I recognized. 

I walked back to my room, and saw the nurses hustling around the tubes and machinery to get to me. "Shit," Loretta muttered under her breath. "This is more serious than I expected it would be," Loretta reported. "She is in a coma, since she drank so much beer that had drugs in it." Loretta jotted this down quickly in a notepad. "We need to get her into the ICU right now!" 

A few hours later Loretta called my parents to inform them about me being in the ICU. Since my parents were still at work, they couldn't come over to see how I was doing. I assumed that she told Chloe about me being transferred since I saw her burst through the ICU doors and to the information desk.

"How is Natalie Collins doing?" Chloe asked, panting. "I thought she was supposed to be in the local hospital. What happened that made her go here?"

"She drank a lot of beer with drugs in it and the drugs caused her to now have a coma," The nurse reported flatly.

"Can I go see her?" Chloe asked.

"No."

"Why?"

"She's in a too rough condition to—" 

 "She can go in and see her," Loretta cut in. The crabby desk nurse looked at her like Loretta had three heads. Loretta grabbed Chloe by the arm. "She'll only be a few minutes," Loretta said as she walked with Chloe to my room. 

"Thanks," Chloe said. 

"I think this will help Natalie regain consciousness by hearing the people she loves talk to her," Loretta explained. 

"Oh, alright." Chloe replied nervously. 

"Just talk to her like you normally would," Loretta said simply. 

Once Chloe was inside, Loretta said, "I'll be outside if you need me." Loretta then closed the door and left Chloe with me. 

Chloe took a deep, shaky breath. Tears sprung to her eyes as she looked me up and down. She sat down in a nearby chair. She took my hand. "Whoa. Your hand is freezing!" She gently let go of my hand and set it down.  

Chloe sniffed. "I shouldn't have brought you to that club. I thought it was a friendly one. I thought that there was no alcohol. But of course, the one time you go with me, there's alcohol." Tears came running down Chloe's cheeks. She rubbed them away with the back of her hand.

"I should have known that there would be alcohol, but I just wasn't thinking. I just wanted to spend time with you and cheer you up," Chloe said, sobbing. "It's all my fault that you're here in this condition. I will never forgive myself if you go."

It's not your fault, Chloe. It's mine. I drank too much. 

"I mean, it's your decision. To go or to stay." Chloe went on. "If you stay, I promise no more clubs. Ever. Sure there's cute guys in them but there are plenty of other fish in the sea. And if you stay, we could have sleepovers and we could graduate together. Wouldn't that be amazing?"

 I smiled. Yes, yes it would. 

"But like I said, it's your decision," Chloe managed to squeeze out. Tears were falling down onto her lap. "It's alright if you go. It's okay if it's too much for you to handle. Sure, we'd all be upset, but at least we'll know that you will be with us in our hearts." Chloe sobbed. She put her face in her hands, the tears coming down like a waterfall.

My vision suddenly became blurry. Don't cry. 

Chloe's sobs became the only sound to fill my ears. Don't cry. 

I then realized that staying here or going for good would be my decision. Don't cry. 

And it's going to be the decision that changes my life forever. 

I then let the tears fall.