Secretly known

25

Elli's POV

A week has gone by and we still haven't heard from Julie. It's like she just disappeared. I don't know how many times I had to tell my Dad that she was with Nick. Obviously, that was a lie because he is in no shape to visit anyone. He doesn't know anything about what happened. How would he? How could he? He is in the hospital and the doctors don't even know what's wrong.

I visited him a couple of times over the past week, just to check up on him and also to see if he somehow magically knows what happened.

I think Dad thinks that all of this is my fault. He doesn't say it out loud, but I can see it on his face. He has this constant look when I'm around. It says something along the lines of 'Why didn't you just look whether she was telling the truth or not? ', 'You could have stopped this from happening', or 'Why weren't you with her'.

I should have been me.

Everything would be easier for everyone if it had been me.

I don't blame him. It's the truth. I could have stopped her disappearance, but I wasn't there when she needed me. She is my big sister. We're a family. We are supposed to look out for each other.

But I just had to go be selfish about everything. I thought everyone would just wait for me to be ready. I thought I would have enough time to figure out my feeling and thoughts first and then maybe talk about them, I guess. How selfish can I be? I ruined everything.

Who knows what even happened? Did she run away? Was she hurt? Did someone kidnap her?

The police say that she ran away because there is no evidence that implies anything else. They have practically written her off. How could they do that? They have to keep looking for her. They have to find her.

I don't know if I can live without her.

I feel so incredibly guilty.

Why do our lives always have to be like this?

Luke has not been doing good either. He is really stressed out and he is extremely determined to find out what happened to Julie. He does not agree with the police either and tried arguing with them. I guess that's another good reason for other people now being able to see and hear the boys, too. As long as they don't forget to not come in physical contact with anyone, they should be fine because you know... that's not possible.

Although the rest of us don't think Nick has something to do with her disappearance, Luke believes he does. I had to stop him from going - well storming – to the hospital to confront and blame Nick. I can't even count the times I tried explaining to Luke that Nick is in the hospital and therefore could not have done anything. Also, why would he? Especially when he has to go to the hospital afterwards. It doesn't make any sense.

Alex has been really anxious about everything. He doesn't know how to handle anything that is happening right now. The guys and Julie are – maybe were – close. Now she's gone and we don't know if we will be able to find her. It's yet another change for him and it isn't a remotely good one either. Not for him. Not for anyone. At the moment he is barely here anymore. Most of the time he's with Willie. I'm glad that he has him in his life. I'm glad he has someone to talk to.

Reggie just seems scared and sad. I think he's afraid his kind of newfound family fell apart and he doesn't know how to fix it. He's been going to every public or at least reachable place he can find looking for Julie. I have a feeling that he is willing to do anything to fix this family, so it won't end up like his biological one. I desperately want to help him, but I really don't know how. I've ran out of ideas trying to find Julie. I just feel so guilty and trying to talk to any of them just makes me feel worse.

I feel hopeless.

Carrie and Ivy have been trying to cheer me up. I think the two of them are friends now. I never would have seen that coming. It would be really fun, but with everything that is happening, I can't let myself have fun. I don't deserve that. Julie doesn't deserve that. She deserves better. I don't deserve to be happy.

Julie has to be my priority. She comes first, no matter what.

Flynn has been really helpful as well. She and I designed several missing person posters and them up all around town. Just today, we made another round and hang up even more. As sad as it is, there has not been an answer yet. No one has seen her. How has no one seen her? People don't just disappear. She isn't a ghost...

Someone has to have seen her.

That person better come forward. If that person doesn't and I find out about it... let's just say it won't be pretty. It won't be pretty at all.

Now, I'm sitting on my bed thinking about something else I could do, but I can't think of anything else. Everything that I come up with, we've already done. It's even posted all over social media – thanks to Flynn. I don't know where we would be without her. She has done so much. Flynn is the kind of friend for Julie that Ivy is for me. I guess we got lucky in that department. If only all of the work would work. Why doesn't it? Why isn't anything happening?

I just want my sister back.
Is that too much to ask?

I'm tired. I'm so tired. I don't think I've ever been this tired. To be completely honest, I'm not sure when was the last time I've slept. I just can't remember. I'm not even entirely sure whether I have slept since Julie went missing. It just keeps me up at night. She has been gone for a week. A week! I've watched enough 'Criminal Minds' to know it gets critical after the 24-hour mark.

What if she's... you know? I don't think I could handle that. I don't want to have to handle that.

I refuse to believe that something like that could have happened to her.

I can't lose her, too.
Dad can't lose her, too.
Tía can't lose her, too.
Luke can't lose her, too.
Alex can't lose her, too.
Reggie can't lose her, too.
Flynn can't lose her, too.

We need her back.

The next thing I know, I hear a poofing sound.

"Reggie? What are doing here?"

"C'mon. Let's go".

I give him a questioning look because I don't understand what he's trying to say.

"I want to show you something. Is that okay?"

"Yeah."