Secretly known

15

There is this ringing noise. It isn't pleasant at all, but I feel like I know it from somewhere. Only a few moments later I find out why it seems familiar. My eyes slowly open and wander to my bedside table on my right. The noise comes from my alarm clock. Sometimes I wonder why people hate their alarm clocks so much. Though today I can totally understand them.

Why can't school start in the afternoon? Wouldn't that be easier for everyone? Maybe. Maybe not. I guess it would be worse for planning or doing anything other than school and schoolwork in a day. Honestly, I am just thinking about that because I'm not even a little bit motivated.

In order to ignore and forget that feeling, I decide to get ready for school. I am the kind of person who likes to ignore a problem until it is gone. It works most of the time. It is simple but effective. I go to my dresser and pick out a black pair of jeans and a yellow button up shirt with red flowers on it. Those types of shirts are my favourite. There isn't a specific reason to it. It is just inspiring, and I really appreciate nature.

Then I remember my dream...

I'm not quite sure what it means. Leather jacket boy was obviously Reggie. But what was the purpose of the dream? What was the bigger picture? Why didn't I see his face?

I have no idea.

"Elli?", I hear my Dad call "Elli? Are you awake? Please tell me you're not still in bed. You're going to be late for school!" My Dad has always been very caring and protective of me and my life. Especially after what had happened last year. He is on of the most loving people I have ever known, and I would do anything and everything in order for him and of course Julie and even for Reggie, Luke and Alex to be happy. The three of us always had a good relationship. We are always understanding and looking out for each other. We are a team. We are a family.

Even though sometimes I feel sidelined.

"I'm awake! Don't worry. Thank you for checking though!", I answer immediately. Afterwards I walk out of my room and into the kitchen. My Dad is also in there eating his breakfast. He is having toasts with egg on top. That means it is a good day because he always eats eggs when he is having a good day. It is a little something I picked up over the years we spend together. I come up to him and give him a welcoming good morning hug and a quick kiss on his cheek.

With a glance at the clock hanging on the wall beside us, I realise I really am running late. "I'm sorry I can't have breakfast with you or otherwise I'll be late. If it's okay with you, I'm just going to take an apple and eat it on the way and we can have lunch together. And yes, I know you work longer than I'll be in school, but that would give me the time to cook it for us. That would give us more time to spend together and I can take some of the work off of your hands. So? What do you think? I'll even make your favourite." I ramble and smile waiting for his answer. "I'd like that". Grabbing an apple, we both say, "I love you" and I pace out of the house hoping not to be late.

Julie must already be at school.

Usually the reason why people are looking forward to school is because they are able to meet up with their friends. That isn't me. I had no friends in or out of school beside Ivy and two ghosts. I have some people with whom I have mutual respect, but no friendship. It makes me feel lonely sometimes, but it also makes me appreciative towards little things someone might not see that way.

This day is supposed to be a normal day. Nothing unusual is supposed to happen. Even though nothing out of the ordinary has happened yet, I know something is wrong or to be more exact different. Different doesn't necessarily mean wrong. Different just means different. For starters that feeling I have been since the moment I woke up just wouldn't stop bugging me. And I still had no idea why I had it. I keep trying to figure out the reason behind it.

Before I know it, I arrive at my school. Everything seems to be as it always is. I know my place. I know where I belong. Don't pick fights and keep to myself and Ivy and I will be left alone. I want to be left alone because I like keeping to myself. Not really talking to people means not giving them a space or knowledge they could attack you with later on. That is one of my biggest fears. Opening up to someone and that someone to turn around and stab you in the back.

Luckily, I'm not late and I even have a bit of time left. Maybe I could have had breakfast with my Dad and still could have made it to my first period. I go in through the front door because I want to get to my locker before having to go to class. That way I don't have to carry all of my books all day long. It isn't like that would have been a problem, but it is still better and maybe even a bit more relaxing if you can say that.

Standing in front of my locker, I overhear a conversation between two girls. I know them. They are in the same grade as me. It isn't like I am intentionally listening to what they are saying. Their lockers are next to mine. It is kind of hard to not overhear it. Honestly, they seem stressed out. Why are they stressed out?  "I can't believe it is due to today. Like I finished it, but I don't want to hand it in yet. Hey, don't look at me like that Emmy. I know I wouldn't change anything anymore anyway. Still... I know that mine didn't turn out that well and not having to hand it in would just be better. I really hope I don't get a bad grade because I can't get grounded right now, not with the parties coming up. I'm this close to Adam asking me out" Emmy and the girl who was talking, I think her name was Maya, giggle and both of them leave.

I wonder what project has to be handed in today. Then it hits me like a train. We are in the same art class and we had to paint a happy self-portrait with a quote. How could I have forgotten that? Art is my favourite class. Not to sound like I'm too full of myself, but I am arguably really good at it. I totally forgot about that. I didn't even start doing that project. What am I supposed to do now? I will get a F if I don't hand in my project, but I can't hand in a blank paper, can I? That has never happened to me before. I was late with a project before, but I never completely forgot about one.

I am starting to freak out and panic. There has to be a way out. There is always a loophole. You just need to look close enough. But in that moment, I don't see anything but the letter F. I don't want to get a F. I don't want to get a F in art. Maybe my way out is going home and acting like I am sick. It wouldn't  be a complete lie considering it feel like I am about to throw up because of all of that stress. I have never been good at handling stressful things. Like I've mentioned before, I like to ignore my problems until they are gone. This is something I just could not ignore. I need a good grade in that class. I want a good grade in that class.

If I go home, I will have a few hours to do the project and hand it in the next day with a good excuse. But that wouldn't be a good excuse, would it? No. People already saw me. I need to find another way. Before I am able to think of another way, I get a call. I look at the screen on my phone. It is my Dad. Why is my Dad calling me? Doesn't he have to be at work? Without thinking about it any further, I answer his call.

"Hey Elli. Didn't you forget something? Actually, don't answer that. Don't say anything. I'll do the talking because I am going to be late if we have a full conversation right now. I am about to get in the car and drive to work, but I will make a short stop at your school to give you your portrait. That's due to today, isn't it? I saw it laying on your desk. It's good. Like actually really good. Anyways I'll see you in a minute" he hangs up after that.

What was that? I am beyond confused. What portrait is he talking about? I didn't do a portrait. At least I don't remember doing anything like that. When would I have done it? Why wouldn't I remember it? What is going on? I don't understand any of it. I also don't know whether I should be relieved or not.

The next thing I know I am standing outside again and seeing my Dad arrive in his car. He quickly hands me the paper and got in his car again in order for him to get to work. At first, I don't want to look at it. I don't know why, but I am scared to look at it. I am scared of the unknown. Realising I have to look at it eventually, that is exactly what I do. As soon as I look at it my memories come flashing.

Considering it was a self-portrait, it is me. It is me laying in the grass. I look happy. The painting is giving you happy feelings.

I never painted this picture.

I can't have.

This is so weird.

But I decide to let it go for now, trying to get through the school day and looking forward to Julie's gig tonight.Flynn posted about it on social media. There's a livestream on the Internet.

This is going to be good.