Just a Kiss Series

Chapter Four

One month later...

(Lukas)

"What's wrong?" I ask walking into the bedroom to the sight of Ryan gripping onto the dresser.

"Nothing's wrong Lukas. I'm fine stop wor- just stop." he says trying to hide the pain.

"No you're not. Is it the baby?" I ask concerned.

"Everything is fine I promise. Only a few cramps it's normal." he replies but I don't believe him.

"You didn't have cramps with Nathan." I retort.

"Every pregnancy is different. I'm perfectly fine and so is she." he answers. "I think I'll take a nap. You don't have to worry so much." he says releasing his grip and walking over to the bed.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" I ask.

"I'm sure." he answers.

"Okay but if you need anything I'll be in the living room with Nathan." I say walking out of the room when I hear Ryan.

"You don't have to worry so much Lukas everything is going to be okay. I love you." he replies.

"I love you too Ryan." I says before I walk out of the bedrooom worried. Worried that something could be wrong with the baby, Ryan or both.

I won't tell him but sometimes I think this baby came at the wrong time. Ever since he told me I have been asking myself why now? Why is it after all these years he gets pregnant? Why did it have to be at the worse possible time?

We tried for years shortly after Nathan was born but it never happened. Nothing but disappointment is what we got instead. So after five years we gave up which was right around the time his mom died. Leaving him in charge which didn't help. Each time I could see in Ryan's eyes how heartbroken he was having to watch everyone else become pregnant so easily yet he couldn't.

He wanted another baby desperately while I was perfectly fine with Nathan and Charlotte. But he wasn't. He loves Nathan, Charlotte and Aiden but that didn't make up for him wanting us to have another child of our own. He told me he felt like a failure not being able to get pregnant again but after a while he stopped being sad. He was happy with the life we had together and so was I until he got a call that would change our happy life.

The secret was out and there was no telling what would happen. So many came over scared for their life and so was I and still am. No one knew what this meant. I might not be compable of what Ryan and so many others are but he is, our son is. I'm scared of losing them every day so it only makes sense how shocked I was later that night.

It was late, we were laying in bed and I was already starting to fall asleep when I heard Ryan say, "I'm pregnant Lukas."

After all this time he finally got pregnant, we're going to have another baby Ryan always wanted to have but it's all happening at the wrong time. If things were different I would be more excited but it's not. I can't be when having another baby can risk exposing him and if there were any difficulties during the pregnancy or delivery I wouldn't know what to do and that scares me. I hope Ryan is telling the truth and everything is fine. Everything has to be fine. Right?

---

Later that day...

"Ryan are you okay?" I ask through the bathroom door starting to worry. He's been in there for a while and after this morning it only makes me worry more.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I hear him say and know he's not.

"What's wrong?" I reply deciding to open the door he didn't lock.

"Lukas don't." he shouts before I see him sitting on the bathroom floor blood surrounding him.

"Wha..what happened?" I ask kneeling down to be by his side.

"It's fine I promise." he says through the pain.

"It's not fine Ryan you're bleeding, it is not fine. Tell me what to do to make it stop." I frantically reply. I've never seen so much blood before and all of it's coming from him.

"You can't." he replies.

"Yes I can tell me what's wrong. I'll do whatever you need me to do. I just need to know what's wrong." I say hoping everything will be fine. I've been trying to reassure myself all day since earlier.

"I'm losing her. There isn't anything you or I can do. I guess this wasn't meant to be." he says not able to hold back the tears.

"There has to be something." I say not wanting to believe this can be happening after all these years of us wanting another child.

"Just stay here and hold my hand." is all he says but I can't. I can't watch this happen without trying at to do something as least.

"Maybe I can go downstairs and find something to stop it?" I suggest but as I try to get up he grabs my arm holding me back.

"You can't my contractions are already too close apart. I'm so sorry I couldn't give you a healthy daughter."

"None of this is your fault Ryan." I say holding his hand in mine as he starts pushing.

I feel the tears immediately rush out. We're losing a daughter we didn't plan to have but Ryan always wanted.

But why? Why was she made if we were going to lose her before we got to meet her? Why does this have to be happening now? Why couldn't everything be perfect like it was before? Was it the stress? Would things have been different if we weren't always worried? Or was this always planned to happen?

With one last push she's out and Ryan lets go of my hand and is now holding her motionless body in his arms. No crying, no movement nothing but silence.

"Is she?" I ask knowing the answer already.

"She's gone." he answers not feeling a heartbeat.
Before I can say something, anything I hear the bedroom door open. I hurry getting up and out of the bathroom to shut the door so Nathan doesn't see or ask questions.

"There people at the door knocking." he says, fear in his eyes.

"What people?" I reply my heart starting to race. Who could be coming to our home now? Last time I checked it was almost ten at night.

"I don't know. I heard knocking and when I looked out the peep hole I could see more than three. Is dad okay?" he answers before changing the subject.

"He'll be fine." I reply when I hear the sound of the front door opening.

"They're coming for us aren't they?" he says and I don't know how to answer.

"It will be okay."

"Lukas?" Ryan calls as the people that were knocking at the door enter the bedroom.