Pretty Boy | VerKwan

eighteen

after seungkwan left the others outside, he just laid on his bed with tears flowing non-stop on his cheeks. he was scared about what the others will say to him. he unexpectedly came out without a plan. he was hurt because of what hansol said but he cannot deny the fact that he was not mad at him but more on disappointed. like what he said, he was used to people looking down on him for being gay but hearing it from the people close to him, doubled up the pain he felt.

but then because he was tired of what happened today, he just let his tears flow and he fell asleep afterwards, hoping that this is just a dream and tomorrow will be just a normal day.

-

that night passed. he woke up early which is unusual for him or maybe he was just stressed that his sleeping schedule changed. he then grabbed his phone to call his bestfriend, even though the night passed, his heart was still in pain and he needed to rant his feelings out before he dies in shock.

[handsome seokkie on the line~]

he sniffs. "hyung"

[seungkwan? are you crying? should i go back there?]

"do you remember what i told you last time? that i will soon tell you about my feelings? i-i feel like i have to say it now before i die"

[what the hell are you talking about? if you hurt any parts of your body, i'll burn you alive. now tell me what's going on]

"i'm not gonna kill myself. it's just, i'm gay"

[so what? i know that]

"i mean, they found out i'm gay! that i confessed to hansol and i think everything is messed up. i want to quit and just go back to jeju"

"what? they found out? do i need to quit too? did they say something harsh to you? tell me, i'm gonna kill them"

"jeonghan hyung, hoshi hyung, woozi hyung, joshua hyung and coups hyung found out last night because hansol and i were fighting. they heard what we're talking about but they did not say anything. i think they despise me now. what should i do?"

[okay bootiful boy. they did not say anything yet and we don't know anything. all you have to do is to talk to them and be honest about your feelings. and with hansol, why exactly did you fight? is this happening frequently without me knowing?]

"kinda. i just don't want hansol to look bad. i am doing everything i can so that he won't get uncomfortable around me. i confessed to him and he rejected me. what else would you expect me to do? to push myself closer to him then what? he'll just think i still like him"

[but do you still like him tho?]

"i-i don't know hyung. i confessed to him not because i'm in love with him. i was just also testing the waters. first if he's gay too, and second if i really like him. but i was attracted to him back then. right now? i don't think i still feel the same. i was just being careful"

[okay right now. i want you to listen to me. what you gotta do is to talk to them, okay? if you're still mad at vernon, i understand that. it's valid. but what i don't want you to do is to be a bitch. if he wants to talk, let him. communicate in a calm way. i can't leave yet because grandma said he wants to be with me for a while and remember, without me, you have to work on your feelings alone. now i have to go. i love you]

"okay hyung. thanks for picking up even though it's too early. i love you too"

[okay i'll hangup. take care. bye]

with that, seungkwan stood up and grabbed his towel to go take a shower and he's ready to go out.