Let me tell you about the time Jeffrey Dean Morgan made me fall in love with him and then disappeared out of my life. I mean, it's not like he made it happen on purpose, but it happened and he knew it.
One and a half year ago, the cast of The Walking Dead decided to film their US tour, so they wanted to document every convention, meet and greet and all that. Guess who was the one who filmed it all? Exactly, me. I spent almost two months with them, traveling to different cities and states. Now listen, spending every single day with them was the most fun I had ever had and somehow, the one I got closest with was Jeffrey.
He is an absolute piece of art; he made me laugh to tears, he made work fun and I am so thankful for getting to know such an amazing person. But here's the thing...he knew and definitely still knows how handsome he is and knows what he's doing when he smirks or winks at someone. Or maybe he doesn't; maybe he thinks he's being friendly, but there is not one single person out there whose heart doesn't burst when the man smiles at them.
One and a half year ago, every evening we would all eat together, either at the hotel we were staying at or out at restaurants. My favorite part when we'd eat at the hotel was when we all gathered in someone's room and ordered pizza, got drunk on wine and laughed until 2 am. Every time someone made a joke I looked at him and he'd already be looking at me with sparkles in his eyes from so much laughter. We couldn't keep our eyes off of each other.
Several times, when we were out, Jeffrey's hand would rest above my knee almost during the whole evening. It started one day when I didn't feel well and he put his hand on my leg, then grabbed my hand and squeezed it to assure me I was going to be fine.
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After that he'd do it all the time and each time the butterflies in my stomach grew more intense. His hand on my leg looked nice but I knew not to look at it too often because of the wedding ring he had on all the time.
We got so close that we'd go on adventures on our few days off. We'd go for picnics, swimming, bowling and what not and on each of these little adventures we would talk about absolutely everything in our lives. He told me how he loved his kids more than anything and how he loved and cared about his wife only because she was their mother. I didn't think much of it then, but now I realize that with that, he let me know he wasn't in love with her anymore. It's too late now though.
There were many moments in which we were alone in elevators or my hotel room after I had showered and we'd almost kiss. There were so many moments in which I thought my lips would meet his and then nothing would happen because I didn't want to be a homewrecker and he didn't want to cheat on his wife. I was ok with it.
I was nothing but crazy about him; I still am. Seeing him interact with his fans and with his co-workers made me admire him so extremely much. It made me realize how amazing he is, how he never puts on a façade. Sometimes he'd look up at me in the middle of writing an autograph, just to make sure I was still there. He would smile charmingly, making my camera shake as my body shuddered under the gaze of those beautiful honey-like eyes.
Often he liked to steal my camera and say silly things or say hi to me as if he was sending a fan a message. I still look at those videos and smile, reminding myself how much I miss him every single second of every single day.
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He is a text away, but again, I don't want to start anything unnecessary. He hasn't texted at all either, anyway. I wonder if he ever thinks about me. I bet he doesn't think about me as much as I think about him.
Every single member of the cast knew we adored each other; it was obvious. They would often leave us alone on purpose, but more than an almost-kiss was impossible. Once I was leaning against a table and when he got out of the bathroom he stood a few meters in front of me and looked at me intensely. My heart didn't beat at all and I felt the sexual tension and love between us; I stood there and wondered what he was thinking about, if he had the same thoughts I had. He then took fast steps towards me, grabbed me and pulled me into him like there was no tomorrow. It was so beautifully forceful that I had to sit up on the table, my legs wrapped around him tightly. His body was as close to mine as it could get, his crotch in between my legs, my mind going crazy with thoughts about what he could do to me on that table. That was the one moment I thought I'd let myself become a homewrecker, the one moment Jeffrey thought he'd ruin his marriage.
It didn't happen. We controlled each other and let it be a hug and only a hug. He told me that moment that he'd miss me when we all went back to our lives. Those were the last words he said to me before he went to his room, to sleep, maybe thinking about me...maybe thinking about his wife.
A day that still lives in my head rent free is the last day of filming, the last day I had with the cast of The Walking Dead. I still think about that day...or better said, about that one moment, the one I had with him. I remember the whole cast leaving us alone to say goodbye. Jeffrey's eyes were on mine permanently until he moved the hair away from my face, grabbed my neck gently, leaned in and whispered ''you and I will meet again one day and when we do, baby, nothing will stop me from making you mine''.
With that, he stepped onto the plane and disappeared out of my life.
Hi! I enjoyed writing this one so muuuch. I almost want to turn it into a book but I have no time for that. Please request stuff before I have to devote my time to writing my master thesis.
