Yes Sir [Hotch X Reader]

Chapter 5

You only allow yourself a few seconds of tears before biting your lip, forcing yourself to stop. Your ribs rack with sobs for a moment, causing pain, but your determined to keep as much inside as possible.  Despite your desperate desire to hold on to him, you straighten your back and let go.

He doesn't say anything, just grabs the door handle and pulls it open for you, allowing you to slide in and buckle. He closes it behind you.

Getting into his side, you feel the car start to move. You look out the window to avoid eye contact.

"If you want to talk about what happened, I'm listening." He said simply. You knew he meant it.

"There's not much to say, Hotch" you mumble "he grabbed me and slapped me when I pushed him off. That's it."

You steal a glance at him. His eyes are on the road, fingers gripping the wheel. His hair is falling delicately over his forehead.

"I'm sorry y/n," he says after a moment, his voice filled with regret "it should never have happened." You nod, a silence filling the car again.

"Do you blame yourself?" You ask quickly, the words leaving your mouth before you think them over. For the first time, his eyes leave the road, looking over at you curiously for a moment.

"For what happened back there?"

"Not just there Hotch," you say, shaking your head "everywhere. Anytime something goes wrong, you somehow make it your fault."

"This is about you, y/n, not me" he says simply.

"You're trying to deflect the situation, Hotch. Answer my question. Why do you always blame yourself for things that aren't your fault?"

"I'm responsible for the health and wellbeing of a lot of people" he shrugs  "to an extent I am to blame."

"No, you're not" you deflect, shaking your head "you're my boss, not my father. You could never have possibly stopped what happened."

"I could have prevented a lot of things, y/n". Suddenly you have a feeling you're not just talking about what happened in the police station. You sit in silence for the rest of the ride.

When you get to the hotel, you get your bags out of the trunk quickly, denying help from Hotch.

Walking inside, you meet up with the team, forcing a smile across your face. 

"Hey girl!" Emily goes wraps you in a quick hug, suddenly looking at you as she realizes somethings wrong.

"What happened to your face?" She asks, gently touching it.

"Oh, I fell on my way out of the station. Hit my face on the sidewalk. I'm okay" you let out a weak smile, looking over at Hotch. He's staring at you again.

Emily turns to look at him as if asking for confirmation. He gives a slight nod before going to the front desk.

"Alright, well, let me know if you need anything." She smiles back and starts a conversation. JJ eagerly joins in.

"Alright team, listen up," Hotch says, walking over to where you're all huddled. He has keys in his hand.

"The hotel is small and there are only four available rooms. Only one of us can sleep alone."

You sigh. Usually, the team rented separately rooms for each person. You knew in a small town there wouldn't be too many hotel rooms, but it still annoyed you that on top of everything else today you wouldn't enjoy your usual solitude.

"I'm old, I don't share" Rossi declared, snatching one of the keys out of Hotch's hands. Well, that took care of that question. JJ and Emily sensed this too, turning to you.