Too Close [Wattys2015]

Chapter 34: The Anchor and the ship

Has it ever been painful to glance at someone you once thought would always be there? As in, you either accidentally glance at them and it hurts you, deep down. Or the two of you both look at each other, glancing wise, and it physically and mentally hurts you completely.

It especially hurts when you've promised yourself you wouldn't look at them. But, of course, you ended up looking at them. And your whole mind is on that moment and you cannot stop thinking about it, the more you think about it; the more the pain heightens.

The more the pain heightens, the more it slowly tears you inside. It's like a piece of paper, for instance. Someone is holding a piece of paper and is slowly, very slowly, ripping it in half. And that person who is tearing that paper is your own mind. Until the paper is completely ripped in half, no longer whole.

It is also agonizing to be close to  that person, or something that is tearing you apart, in the same room. The thick, painful tension between the small gap that lies between our seats to the lab tables that we sit at after lunch is almost suffocating.

The silence that passes between us speaks a thousand words that we cannot form on our human tongues.

His closeness keeps me pained and, in a way, comforted. His silence and the tension reminds me that we did have something real and that he may- probably not as much- be not as okay as I am with it.

And maybe, just maybe, he was a little pained by this whole situation like I was. And if he was, we'd be able to talk again.

If it's not the way I'd like, which means him as my boyfriend alongside best friend, then we could just drop the boyfriend part and just be best friends again.

Hopefully because I'd rather have something, anything rather than nothing.

I mean, he was my first ever real true friend that I've had. I am just a lonely girl who attached herself onto a purely sweet and funny boy who made her feel special. I didn't just attach myself, I completely hung onto him

He became my anchor and I was the ship. Eventually, the ship had the anchor removed and the anchor was cast away.

But, in a way, I wasn't cast away. This anchor, which was me, hadn't completely been wasted and no longer worked, so this anchor wouldn't be going anywhere for a while.

"I am not going to give out homework," the teacher said a few minutes before the bell rang. "But don't forget to study for your test that will be coming soon."

A small arm was raised, it was a girl, and she spoke. "When is the test exactly?"

The teacher looks kind of smug. "Now, that is a suprise." The bell rang throughout the room and halls. "But still study. Goodbye guys!"

Collins was out of his seat in no time, following everyone out of the room. While I waited for everyone to leave, so I'd have more room to walk out without being squished entirely.

The halls, which I've walked down millions of times, was completely crowded with teens exiting the school. I was suddenly lost in the waves of the crowd guiding me along towards the exit.

***

"How was school?" Austin, turning on his car, said when I climbed inside.

I shrugged lightly, which he wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for him to be watching me closely.

"Well," he heaved a sign. "Mine was boring, thanks for asking." A hint of a small formed on his lips and he got the car into drive and left school.