Tempted | Kai Parker

twenty seven: family

I didn't manage a wink of sleep last night.

The eerie silence of night-time came and left, but my eyes wouldn't close and allow me to drift into darkness. As much as I begged for the sweet release of hours of pure nothingness, my mind simply wouldn't allow it.

Instead, my heavy eyes spent the whole night firmly fixed to my nightstand. More specifically to the cell phone that rested on top of it.

The hours dragged on, and the staring contest between me and me the device only intensified, my eyes refusing to falter. I was just waiting for it to buzz, and the screen to illuminate my darkened room.

But I waited and waited, and the light never came.

I watched vigilantly all night, but there was no notification.

Kai didn't text me last night.

And even though I hadn't responded to him on previous nights, seeing his name flash on my screen every night gave my heart the little flutter that it needed to keep beating.

Those few words he'd text me every night were the only thing I had left of him. And no matter how short, or silly, or sad the message was, it made me feel like I was still connected to him somehow.

And without that connection, I had never felt more alone.

Although I hated to admit it, one terrifying thought provoked my mind all night. And I tried to banish it, I tried to pretend I didn't feel it, but the notion consumed me. After everything he had done to me, I didn't even know how I could possibly be thinking what I was, but I was completely petrified that Kai had given up on me.

Because as much as I liked to pretend to myself that I never wanted to see him again, or that I despised him, or wished I'd never even met him in the first place, I knew that was just a fiction my mind created as a mercy for my wounded heart. The thought of having to suffer through the rest of my life without him made my stomach turn. That was the truth.

God, I had only known Kai for a couple months, but I couldn't even picture a future where he didn't exist. Where we wouldn't flirt and bicker and joke. I couldn't imagine a day where I would be able to move past this. Or maybe I just didn't want to.

I felt so stuck.

And for once in my life, there was no eloquently thought out solution. I didn't have an escape plan, or a failsafe, and that terrified me. And as futile as it made me sound, I knew I was no longer in control of my own emotions. I didn't know how to break free from the shackles which imprisoned me in the darkest corners of my worn-out brain.

So, when the sun burst back into the sky this morning, and shattered any hope I had of drifting off, I let my body lay still.

I couldn't even bring myself to move a muscle.

The covers clung to my still body, as my eyes glared at the wall, just wishing that I could find some way out of this.

This had been going on for quite a few hours now.

Well, I guessed it had. I hadn't actually bothered to check.

The room had just sort of warped into a void of nothingness, and I didn't stop myself from fading into the emptiness.

That was until the dull silence that rang through my ears was abruptly shattered when a small knock drummed against my door.

"Yeah?" I called, my voice slightly cracking after many hours not being used.

"It's me." My Dad yelled back. "Can I come in?"

Combating my deepest desires to remain bundled up in blankets, I quickly shuffled myself up right, palming my dishevelled hair away from my face.