Tempted | Kai Parker

ninety five: happy birthday

My birthday morning started unbearably early.

The air was crisp and still when I left my house, and the September sun was as bright as ever. The traffic on the main roads of Mystic Falls had only just started to buzz, with a few commuters making their way to work. Once I walked through the main part of town, however, and into the quieter streets - I didn't see a soul. The world seemed to get more and more silent as I walked towards my destination, and I welcomed the emptiness of the world.

I felt like I needed it. After everything that had happened - and all of the complex, tormenting emotions which seemed to be constantly swirling through my mind, I needed a bit of time and a bit of fresh air to help me feel like Iife wasn't spiralling out with my control.

I liked feeling like I wasn't boxed in. Like I had enough space just to breathe. And that was what the soundless streets gave me.

The final winding road I walked down was almost as quiet and eerie as the streets had been in the prison world. I almost felt like I was back there. But so much had changed since those days. It felt wrong to say, but sometimes I missed being there. At the time I hated it with a burning passion. I wanted nothing more to get home - and to start with, I wanted nothing more than to get away from Kai.

It seemed strange to think about now.

What hurt most is how much I'd lost since the prison world. Some of the people who I'd looked most forward to coming home to were now gone forever. I'd never see them again. The gap in my life where they used to live was now permanently empty.

These were the thoughts that rattled around my head as I reached the end of the winding road, and my feet stepped onto plush green grass. I took in a long breath through my lips, as I travelled in between seemingly never-ending rows of carved grey stone, jutting out from the grass like granite teeth.

I walked all the way along a row of these stones, until I reached one which on its front had the name 'James Walker' carved into it.

It was the first time I'd seen my father's gravestone since I turned my humanity back on, and felt I needed to come here and apologise to him. And almost instantly upon seeing it, I had to blink away a prickle of tears.

It never seemed to hurt any less that a cold slab of stone was all I had left of him.

"Hi, Dad." I breathed, crouching down to sit on the grass in front of his gravestone. "Sorry I haven't been by in a while. It just hurts - you know? I know you'd understand - you always understood me."

A hard lump began to rise in the back of my throat as I hugged my knees into my chest, staring at my father's name and trying to picture his face. I hated to admit that some of the details had gotten fuzzy.

"It's my birthday today. It's my first ever birthday without you - and I already miss you so much." I continued, my voice immediately feeling weak. "But I've got plans with Caroline, Elena, and Bonnie for lunch. And then after I'm meeting Kai, you remember Kai, right?"

Of course, the answer was silence.

"He said he planned something for me. I thought it was kind of sweet." I shrugged, balancing my chin on top of my knees. "Problem is, I'm still wary of him - because he really hurt me, Dad. And that scares me. Knowing that someone has the power to hurt me. To really hurt me. I mean, how can I not be terrified by that?"

With every word a weight lifted from my chest. Like this was a confession, and I was freeing myself from the burden of my own thoughts. I don't think I realised how much I'd been building up until I started letting it all out. It felt like I was releasing countless months' worth of pressure.