Tempted | Kai Parker

seventy three: water

Kai made a point of not prying into what my nightmare had been about in the morning, and I made a point of not telling him. Neither of us even came close to bringing the situation up. But we both knew. We didn't need to discuss it, because it was blatantly obvious that my nightmare had been about him. He knew as well as I did how traumatised I was by that version of him.

He didn't seem to be letting it affect him though. He kissed the top of my head and pulled me into his arms like he did every other morning, and he talked about all the things we could do now we were free. Fun dates, road trips, and about a million different restaurants he wanted to try out. Just listening to him talk so excitedly about all of his plans for us was enough to push my worries away for a little while.

I was almost feeling positive about the morning until I went to take a shower. As I switched the water on, I clumsily knocked a bottle from the shelf, and it landed on the floor with a loud thud. I immediately flinched at the sound, clutching my chest which my heart was now thumping against. I tried to convince myself it was nothing at first. I laughed it off with a forced chuckle, shaking my head as I picked up the bottle and switched on the water. I'm fine, I told myself. It was just a bottle.

I tried my best not to overthink how uneasy I'd been since I got out of the Chambre de Chasse. In fact, every time my mind started to stress over it, I forced a new thought into my brain to drown it out. It worked most of the time. Or at least I told myself it did.

Trying my best to focus on the soft rainfall sound of the shower, I quickly slipped my clothes off and twisted my hair up into a large claw clip. The real problem I would face that morning, however, came the moment I stepped under the water stream.

As soon as I felt the water cascading down my skin, I was back in Kai's house. I was running through the hallways, dripping wet, having just witnessed Kai drown his younger sister. I was panting and shaking, hurtling towards the door. I had been thrown right back into the midst of one of the most terrifying moments of my entire life.

The fear gripped me so tight that I didn't even have the energy to scream. All I could do was throw the shower door back open and get out of there as quickly as possible. I practically fell out of the shower, stumbling carelessly on weakened legs.

My body was trembling and still dripping wet, and my eyes were flashing with haunting images of Kai's family home. But no matter how much I was shaking, I needed to get to my towel. I needed to get the water off of me as quickly as possible. I violently rubbed the towel against my skin until it felt raw, making sure I'd got rid of each and every drip. And when I eventually did, I wrapped the towel around my body and finally braced myself to take a look in the bathroom mirror.

The bright red scrapes and scuffs from my aggressive towelling were quickly healing over, but my body was still quivering, my chest heaving out panicked breaths. And when I finally latched onto my deep brown eyes, all I saw was fear. My eyes looked like they were silently pleading for help. The word 'pathetic' shot through my head before I could even stop it. Because that was what I felt. That was what Joshua had convinced me I was.

By the time I even noticed the tears which soaked my skin, they were rolling down my cheeks in floods, diverging off into several streams. I couldn't bear to look at the worn down, broken version of myself that stared back at me from the mirror anymore, but I was still too shaken to even try and walk out of the bathroom. All I could do was sink to the floor in defeat.

I sat hunched over my knees on the cold bathroom tiles, sobbing to myself and wishing I could be stronger.

My heart jumped when only a minute later I heard quiet footsteps dragging down the hallway. Completely humiliated by my breakdown, I quickly pressed my palms over my mouth and nose, doing anything I could to stifle the sound of my sobs.