A New Beginning (Adopted by Ariana Grande and Jai Brooks)

55

• Amelia •

I'm upstairs in one of the spare rooms half asleep on the cold, hardwood floor because I didn't want to go in Luke's room where I was last night.

I didn't sleep well at all. I was up 11 times. That's the most I've ever been up so far. But Skip and Luke took care of me. I don't know how many times Maya was up, but it sure as hell wasn't as many as me.

I don't think the boys or Maya have realized that I'm gone. I've been up here for an hour now. Luke, Beau, and Skip have their girlfriends over, so they're most likely occupied with them.

I don't like Luke's girlfriend much at all. Her name is Kiana and she seems to be very fake and a gold digger. Beau's girlfriend, Chelsey, is okay. I mean she seems kind of rude, but I don't have as much of a problem with her as I do with Kiana. I like Skip's girlfriend the most. Her names Katilyn. She has blonde hair and blue eyes. She's really sweet and funny and her and Skip are just adorable together.

Maya is probably hanging out with James. I just can't help but wonder why they haven't noticed I'm not with them. It's not that I want them to notice because I want to be alone right now, but it still bothers me. Like they don't care enough to notice that I've been gone for an hour.

I sigh and grab my phone, which is on the floor next to me. I sit up, unlock it, and go straight to Twitter. I begin scrolling through my mentions. Almost all of my mentions are really sweet. Every now and then I run into hate, but The Loves and The Janoskianators always know how to make me feel loved and like I need to be here.

I read through my mentions, smiling and laughing a little at how funny some of them are.

Then something crosses my eye.

@JasmineAnderson: @AmeliaGrande Amelia please just kill yourself already. Ariana hates you. Jai hates you. Everyone hates you. Just do it already.

It feels like my heart stops for a moment. Could this be...

I tap on the account and enlarge the icon.

It is...

Jasmine.

Her icon is a selfie with Justin Bieber.

I roll my eyes. Wow she still thinks she's "the shit." Nothing has changed.

I go back to her account and scroll through her tweets.

Worst. Idea. Ever.

Within the next few minutes, I'm bawling my eyes out. I finally decide I can't take it anymore. I click off my phone and slide it across the floor to the other side of the room. I stand up and begin to pace back and forth, breathing heavily with a million thoughts racing through my head.

She's right. Everything she said was right. You should've killed yourself along time ago. Recovering? Why the hell did you do that you fat slut. I should go purge. No, I should go cut. No even better, I should just go and take the pills now.

The thoughts continue to flood through my mind. I slide down the wall and bury my face in my knees. I want to go to the bathroom and purge and cut and take the pills but there's something inside that just won't let me.

I hear Ariana's voice in my head reminding me how much she loves me and how much Maya loves me and how much the boys love me and how I'm needed. I start to feel so mad at the fact that I can't force myself to do anything because she's in my head.

I stay against the wall with my face in my knees for a good 20 minutes. No one comes up to check on me. No one notices I'm gone. I continue to cry until I fall asleep.