Gem and I

Chapter 9- Morning

"Marzanna? I made you breakfast."

"Thanks."

"I also got a replacement of your book.'' He says handing it to me

"Thank you, it's one of my favorites. How's your head, do you have a hangover?"

"Nah I'm good. I'm actually gonna leave."

"Oh. Okay. Take care of yourself."

My stomach twisted as I heard him walk down the stairs, why do I feel like this?

I ran downstairs towards the front door,

"Gemini, wait."

His head quirks to the side, "Gemini?"

"Uh yeah, its a nickname. Is that okay?" I ask hesitantly 

"Yeah of course."

They stand there in awkward silence, Z trying to figure out to approach this.

"What is it Z?" he asks becoming concerned.

"Nothing that important! Its just, you know, if your gonna make me take care of you and impale my stuff you could at least give me a hug before you leave."

He chuckles, "The hardass Z wants a hug from little ole me." he laughs.

"Asshole." I say turning around,

"Wait! I'm playing! Damn." He says pulling her into his chest.

"Keep playing with me and I'ma kick your ass." She jokes hugging him back.

"Alright, I'll be good. I was just surprised. You wanting a hug from me was, sudden."

"I like your hugs, alright." She mumbles.

"I like yours too."

He gives her one last tight squeeze before letting go,

"Just be safe out there, okay? You can also stop by anytime and hang out, if you want.'' I say.

''Of course! See ya later.''

''Cya.''

My apartment instantly felt more empty as soon as he left. I mean I do live alone but this bitch feel abandoned. Damn!

I walk over to my fridge and heat up some leftover birria throwing that in a cup of noodles.

I sit on the couch scrolling threw instagram when I get a text from Adam:

Adam: Hey, I just wanna say thanks for yesterday. That old guy was creepy.  Also, my offer still stands if you want to come by

Me: Thanks baby but not today. Not for a while actually

Adam: Is it because of that guy from the club? the blue haired one.

Me: No

Adam: He's going to be your next victim isn't he?

Me: Victim?

Adam: Yeah, your gonna flirt with him. Mess around with him. Never let him fuck then once he's addicted to you and shows more interest than you can deal with you'll dump him.

Me: Where's the sudden hostility coming from?

Adam: Not hostility. The truth. You don't like relationships you told me that yourself. Said," there too difficult and keeping up with someone else's emotion and stress is too much."

Me:.......

Adam: When you get bored just let this one down softer than the other one.

It's not like I purposely toy with all their feelings sometimes I think they can be the one. But they only see the monster that I am and not my humanity. Or they all want something: Money, to be dominated, sex, power, weed. They want anything and everything , but my love.

I walk down the street to a nearby park sitting on the bench watching the moon light up the sky.

Maybe there's something wrong with me, that's why no one wants me.

Should I change?

I tried to do that in the past and it didn't work. I came up with different personas, acted different,  even talked different and it was never enough. They always left me.

I sighed standing up something cutting my leg,

"AH! What the fuck!"

A rose bush.

Roses. His favorite flower.

"моя роза"

(my rose in russian/ Z is also 12 in this flashback)

"моя роза. Wake up!"

"Good morning Sir,"

"Are you ready for training?"

I sigh my body hurting from yesterday, "Sir, I don't feel good. Can we skip todays session, please."

"What's wrong with you? I thought you wanted to make me proud." 

"I do sir! Its just I feel really bad. Inside and out. I know I'll lose the fight."

"Do you want me to take care of you?"

"No-no Sir,"

"Why not?! Your lucky I'm even offering!" he raises his voice.

"I know and thank you. Its just sir has more important things to do than watch me. I was just  wondering if I can get some medicine."

He suddenly storms towards me lifting me by my throat my feet barely scraping the ground.

"Only winners get prizes!" he smiles

I could feel the oxygen leave my brain as he squeezed my throat tighter.

"Sir, please!!"

"Fight for me! I don't care if you win or lose, fight!"

That's a lie. He always wants me to win and when I don't I get punished.

"OKAY! I'll do it!" 

I  roughly hit the ground when he drops me, I gasp for breath tears welling up in my eyes.

"Good girl, let's go."

I sigh.

I fucking hate roses.