The Red String | S. Todoroki x reader

Chapter 29

The stay at the hospital had been a long one, though finally they evaluated me as stable enough to head back to school... especially since i'm probably way behind in all of my classes.

I get random hallucinations every few days but they're not so intense anymore. However, the shooting pain hasn't gotten any better. I need to get used to this quirk fast.

I'm currently working really hard to catch up but the work seems so overwhelming. I haven't even had the chance to see everyone again. Even Shoto.
They've put me in a separate classroom from everyone and my class times are scheduled differently for my personal optimum performance. At least they're helping me the best they can to try and get me up to speed.

I cant help but feel lonely though.

While everyone else is eating dinner downstairs, i'm in Present Mic's English class or down in Gym Gamma building up my stamina with All Might.
While everyone's falling asleep, i'm only just getting back.
While everyone's waking up, i'm asleep.

Tonight is one of those hard nights.

I slip off my shoes and make my way over to the kitchen. It's so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
I cant be bothered to cook, so i just get a bowl of cereal and head upstairs with my school bag.
I tip toe along the corridor in an attempt to not wake anyone up.
It's true, i work best a night but i hate the deafening silence.

I sneak into my room and creak the door shut before placing the bowl of cereal on my desk.

Now it's time to study i guess...

It reaches 2am and i notice i hadn't touched my cereal. It probably soggy now. I sigh, shutting my notebook and placing my pen down.
Whatever, not like i'm hungry anyway.

My stomach growls.

Okay maybe i am.
I go back downstairs, taking the bowl with me. I pour the wasted food into the bin, feeling guilty.

I should probably get a proper hot meal...

It would make a lot of noise though and wake everyone up.
I shrug and grab a banana, a sandwich, some crisps and a kitkat. I decide to eat down here this time, so i don't get distracted again.

I finish eating and my stomach is satisfied.
...My stomach is satisfied but i'm not.

Now i have to brush my teeth...

I watch my reflection in the mirror after i enter the bathroom, nitpicking at my appearance. I brush my teeth for two minutes half heartedly.

Now it's time to sleep...

I yawn as i'm walking up the stairs, feeling super sluggish.

I notice my bedroom door slightly open.
I'm sure i closed the door when i left my room. I peek in cautiously and flick on the light.
I jump when i notice Bakugo standing... in his typical strange way.
I hold my heart as i lean against my door, closing it shut at the same time "You're going to give me a heart attack" i breath, shaken from the surprise.
"I could say the same thing when you stepped out into that fucking road, you fucking dumbass!"
He's not quiet but he's not shouting.

"what the FUCK was that about, huh??" he questions, leaning down and looking directly into my eyes just like he did on the first day of UA.
"It wasn't-"
"holy fuck" he says, upset and also distressed. He takes multiple steps backwards before sitting on the edge of my bed.
I hear muffled sniffles as his head hangs low.
"Bakugo are you crying?" I walk over to him before kneeling down next to him.
"As hell i am, dumbass" he avoids my gaze but i can tell.

We sit in silence, but not the lonely kind i was feeling only a few moments ago.
His chest is still rising and lowering in jolts, but he's concealing his tears.
"Bakugo, i'm sorry i scared you" I mumble.

He lifts his head from his hands and at last looks at me. His eyes are slightly red and puffy.

"What if you fucking died that day, y/n?" a single tear drops quickly and lands on my bedsheets.
I hoist myself off of the floor and sit on the bed, going to hug him but he pushes me away, pressing the palm of his hand to his forehead in frustration.

"What was i going to do?!" he lets out a cry, the raspy kind. I've never seen Katsuki like this before and it breaks my heart.
I hadn't noticed he was the type to blame himself. I guess he keeps his sensitive side well hidden.
"Bakugo... I don't want to kill myself.. i wasn't in control that day"
"THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT YOU ALMOST DID" He shouts, making eye contact with me and I flinch.

I cringe, knowing that probably woke the dorm up.

"I know..."

Bakugo holds both of his hands at the sides of his face. His hands are tense and he's slightly digging his nails into his skin.

"I can't breathe" He says breathlessly even though he's breathing heavily.
I recognise the panic attack symptoms and try to comfort him "take slow deep breaths, this will pass"
He's beginning to hyperventilate so i rub his back carefully but firmly.
Reaching into a draw beside me, i pull out a paper bag since i keep a few due to my anxiety from my flashbacks.

"Breathe into this, alright?" i hand him the bag and he takes it from me.
He starts to calm down, at this point he's in a hot sweat.
"Are you okay?" i whisper.
He nods his head but is clearly embarrassed by the melt down.

"Are you okay?" he checks on me too which, personally, i think is dumb since he's the one who just had a panic attack but okay.
I pull him in for a hug "of course i am, dummy".
Surprisingly, he returns the hug, burying his face into my shoulder.
"I'm glad you're alive" he admits resentfully because he was still ashamed of what had just happened.
This guy needs to learn to accept his emotions. He is a human after all.
"Me too, thank you for pulling me back"

We pull away "love you, fucker" i smirk. He wipes his eyes "might love you too, bastard. Possibly, possibly not"
We smack our hands together and bro hug.

Bakugo is very much not what he presents to the world. Though he seems open, it turns out he's very closed off. Even if he seems fine, he's struggling inside.

And to those of you who are struggling yourselves right now and you're watching those who appear to be holding it together, remember that that's only what they want you to see. You are not alone. Take care of yourselves, eat properly and drink water. It's okay if you can't shower or clean your room. Hygiene is hard to keep up with.

Just remember there's plenty of people who understand and want to help you, and i'm also always here.