Percabeth in Goode - Completed

Note From the Author, Many Years Later

Hi everyone! This is gonna be kinda sappy, so ignore it if you want lol. I'm also gonna be dumping my feelings out and probably oversharing lmfao.

Wow. Looking back at this is so incredible. I wrote this when I was 10-12, maybe 13, years old, and I'm 18 now (a whole adult lmao). I left wattpad many years ago, but I don't think I really understood what I was leaving behind. This was my entire life for a while. I woke up everyday just to work on another chapter. I had such passion and enthusiasm; I was so entrenched in being a ~fangirl~ and all the joys that came along with that. I found such a community here at a time when I really needed to not feel alone. Amongst you all, I could escape, and it was healthy and supportive and so kind. I want to thank anyone who's read any of my works, anyone who left a comment, anyone who encouraged me to keep going. I don't think I actually realized how essential that was to me when I was younger until just now lol. I cannot appreciate you all more.

TW//// su*cide, mental health issues

My depression started when I was nine. Over time, it continued to get worse, and I eventually became unable to keep writing. Shortly after that, the idea of death and I became close friends, and I'm still not able to shake it. As the list of diagnoses lengthened, I grew further and further away from myself, no longer knowing what I wanted, who I was, or why I was still alive. Now, nothing seems as tempting and true and worth while as death. I don't know what it feels like to be excited about things the way I was when I started writing. I'm worried I can never feel that way again, but I want to. I want to try to live. I want to do it for the kid who had such big dreams for us, who tried so hard to be okay, and who held out for so long because I knew that if I just waited long enough, I would be an adult, and I could be free. Things have gone a little off the rails since then, but really, I still want the same things. So for that kid, and for myself now, and for all of you who believed in me, I have to try. I want to believe that one day, I can write again, and I can feel that joy again. If not writing, then something else, but I can't believe that I'm worthless anymore. I can't believe that I'm incapable, because I did it before. That means I can do it again. I can try, really try, because I owe it to that kid to not give up. I owe it to myself to not give up.

Anyway, if anyone reads this, I hope this story has given you any kind of happiness or escape the way that this community did for me. I'm so grateful to you all. If you're in a similar boat, I hope that you try. I know there's something out there for us, we just have to find it.

xoxoxoxox,

Jay (my real name)