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Survivor

Her first week of therapy which happened to be three weeks after coming back from the Bahamas was the most nerve wracking and stressful time of her life. She still had yet to tell Addison and even her family about what had happened but she wasn't prepared. Mentally, she wasn't strong enough to do so yet.

However, Noah was there through every step of the way. He ensured her that he was proud of her and not once did he pressure her to do anything with him. She was still uncomfortable with being sexually active again with Noah. When she first realized this, it brought her to tears because she felt terrible. She felt as if she was holding Noah back. Her therapist had reassured her though. Informing her that this was completely normal and it was okay to move at your own pace. It was apart of the healing process. She could feel herself getting better day by day.

For the first two months after the most traumatic experience of her life, it was hard—Noah and her weren't expecting anything less. She'd wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, breathing heavily as she had awakened from a terrible nightmare of reliving what had happened in the Bahamas. Noah would hold her and she'd fall back to sleep with a steady heart and a calmer demeanour. She suffered endless amounts of panic attacks. Her heart could barely take it. She'd sit on the bathroom floor, tugging at her hair and Noah wouldn't know what to do. He found himself talking to her therapist over the phone as he wanted to know exactly what to do and how to approach these situations. He didn't want to do anything wrong.

Dixie snapped on him more than often and she hated it. She hated herself for doing so. However, she was incredibly grateful for the way Noah had put up with her no matter what she'd say or even throw at him. She'd snap at him for no reason at all. She could be smiling one second and the next, she was completely spiralling and telling Noah things she didn't mean. She had even gone as far as blaming Noah for what had happened to her and she realized this was wrong and they got through it—much like they promised they always would.

"You know what?" She stood up, pacing around the room. Noah furrowed his eyebrows at her, confused. Just moments ago were they cuddling on the couch, laughing at a video they'd seen on his phone.
"I fucking hate you!" She yelled, pointing her finger at him as tears mustered in her eyes. He was taken aback and stood to his feet. "What are you talking about, love?"

He looked down at her hands that were completely shaking and he then realized that this was just one of her many mood swings which he didn't mind. He knew better than to take offence. "T-this is your fault! I-if we didn't go to the Bahamas... none of this would've happened! I wouldn't be so fucked up!"

"You're not fucked up. You know that." He managed to say, his voice painfully cracking.

Tears streamed down his face as he looked down at his sock covered feet. He knew that she didn't mean a word she had said but it stung anyway because although he's been there for her and will continue to be there, he believed it. He felt as if this was all his fault. She snapped out of it and fell to the ground, defeated and disappointed in herself. How could she say that to him? After a few moments of silent tears, she stood up and hugged him with all the strength she had—which at the time, was close to none.

"I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean that. You've done nothing but care for me. I love you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Shh." He said, squeezing his eyes shut and combed his fingers through her hair. "I know. You're good. We're okay."

After that day, they went to a few therapy sessions together. It strengthened their bond and it gave them a new perspective of their relationship. They always knew that they were strong and had a healthy relationship but they didn't realize how much they'd gone through. From there on out, they worked harder to always validate one another's feelings, Dixie worked the hardest on thinking before she spoke, and Noah didn't stop going to therapy until he knew for certain that he wasn't to blame for what had happened to Dixie.