Woof, Woof, Bitch. | MxB fantasy [Discontinued]

【 -·=» 1-13 «=·- 】

-·=»‡«=·- Ｒｉｌｅｙ＇ｓ ｐｏｖ -·=»‡«=·-

     It's chilly. Damie doesn't give up much body heat, it's more like he takes it. Good thing I like chilly. Correction, I love chilly. It's the best. And he's nice and firm too, and he feels so safe... I could stay here forever. 

     I love cuddles. I don't usually get many, but this one is sooo super nice. It's like I don't have to worry about anything. 'Cause I'm safe and comfy. Damie likes to let me cuddle in reeaallly close, so I don't have to worry about him telling me to get off. It's why I can bury my face in his neck and just... relax.

     I've heard a lot about homes. That they're 'where the heart is,' or where you want to spend your time. That they're the people you care about most. That they're where you get to feel safe and loved.

     I've never had that before. It's always just been... hurting and worry... I'm always worried that I'm gonna do the wrong thing and make even the nice people mean. It's always scary when you have to jump from house to house, family to family, because no one likes you enough to keep you. Even the nice people send me away.

     I've always thought that I had to be the reason. That I had done something wrong so they didn't want to keep me. I've always had the thoughts of, 'Did I not trust them enough?' 'Did I say too much?' 'Did I not say enough?' 'Was I rude?' 'Who's gonna replace me?'

     They've always been there. The thoughts, the second guessing. I always push them to the side in daily life. I try to shove them into a little box in the corner of my mind, never to be looked at. That's what you're supposed to do with problems, right? Lock them away in a corner? That's what everyone does to me, eventually.

     I had come to the conclusion that I was the problem. That I was always wrong about something. That I had ruined something. That if I was just better, everything would be fine. I would be happy.

     Even now, I still have the thoughts. I still think that I've been the problem so many times. But... It just doesn't seem important. 

     It doesn't seem like a big deal. It can be forgiven. Maybe I wasn't the whole problem. Maybe I was just the wrong piece in a puzzle. Right now, all my problems feel small and pointless. Not in a bleak and sad way, I feel bigger that them. I feel like I'm above them, and everything seems so simple and easy.

     And I think I know why. It's Damie. He's big and safe, I can trust him to help with all my problems. He's already made so many things so much better, how can I not trust him? 

     But that doesn't stop the thoughts, the second guessing. Sometimes I still think that he'll abandon me and never come back. But it's okay right now because he already knows. He already know, I can tell, and that's a great thing. 

     He knows that I have problems, that I'm not good at trusting people. He knows I have bad experiences- we met through one of them. And he's still here.

     He was gone for a while and that was really, really scary, but what matter is that he came back for me. And that's more than anyone else has done. 

     When anyone else has figured out what I've been through, I was kicked out the next day. If not the next day, then they'd wait, kick me out, and never come back.