Playing with Fire: A BLACKPINK Story

Chapter 5: We Need to Talk

2018.

I wish I could say that after that fateful night, things went back to normal. But they didn't, not really. I didn't expect them to, and unfortunately, my expectations were met. Preparations were well underway for the start of the In Your Area World Tour. Between the rehearsals, the promos for the Japanese album, and the general craziness of the Blackpink lifestyle, quiet moments were few and far between as those first two dates approached.

Jisoo and I barely spoke outside of what was absolutely necessary. Things were strained between us now, and I was kicking myself for several reasons. I was kicking myself because I had kissed her. I was kicking myself because I hadn't kissed her.

On the bright side, it seemed like Jennie and Lisa had no idea what anything had occurred at all. That made me feel a little better, even if Rosé knew everything. She didn't seem to harbor any hard feelings towards me. We had been spending some of our downtime together, not doing much of anything beyond watching TV. She helped me with my Korean a bit too, which was getting stronger every day.

But the truth was that there hardly was any downtime. The girls' schedule was absurd. They spent the majority of each day working, passing out late at night, only to do it all over again. On more than one occasion, I had actually carried Rosé up to her room after she had fallen asleep on the couch. The first time, she had been incredibly embarrassed, but I assured her that rescuing clients from prone positions was actually a common part of my job.

After that, she didn't mind so much,

As far as Lisa and Jennie went, I got along with them fine. They respected my position, and I found myself admiring their talents on a daily basis. How could I not? Anyone with eyes could see how dedicated and driven they were. Lisa was always friendly, but I found it hard to connect with her. Jennie and I spoke a bit less than I did with the other girls (barring Jisoo), but we would always have that moment after the first attack. It had connected us in a way that I hadn't expected. And I don't think she had either.

And that was the crux of the situation, really. Everything that was happening to me, everything that I was experiencing and feeling was so far outside of what I was used to. I hadn't been prepared for any of it, and maybe that was my fault. Maybe that was what Hyun-suk had wanted. If the man was as smart as he seemed to be, it wouldn't surprise me at all if his goal had been to get me attached to the girls so that I wouldn't quit, even after I discovered that there were secrets being kept from me.

What made it worse was that it didn't matter. It made no difference if I knew what he was doing or not. It had worked. I wasn't going to walk away now. I couldn't.

The whole thing was making me feel vaguely uncomfortable for a number of reasons. First of all, I didn't like these new emotions that were cropping up. It had been a long time since I had lived a life that had even put me in a position to feel those kinds of things, and I didn't know how to handle it. The other thing that was making me feel off was the situation with Jisoo. I wanted to set things back on track between us, but instead, a cold, icy silence was the only thing that seemed to be there.

I knew that I should be grateful for that, because it would make my professionalism easier to maintain. I just couldn't help but remember the blissful expression on Jisoo's face as we had explored downtown Seoul together. I wanted to bring that feeling back, and I didn't know how to.

There wasn't time to work it out anyway. We were too busy. The tour was beginning in Seoul, in the Olympic Gymnastics Arena, and the amount of work to do was astronomical. There were security plans to go over, contingencies to cover, and of course, the girls were rehearsing day and night.