Playing with Fire: A BLACKPINK Story

Chapter 9: Who I Really Am

2018.

I spent the Christmas holiday by myself.

It sounds sad, but the truth was that it was no different than any other year. I didn't feel sadness or melancholy. Instead, I treated myself to a quiet meal at a café and bought myself a new book, a thick, small-printed romance that would take me quite some time to get through.

I felt at peace.

YG hadn't spoken much with me since I had taken out both targets. I had received a bonus, as expected, and brief congratulations, but there had been no debriefing or anything of the sort. I had spent the time puzzling over what I was going to do with what I had learned.

The answer, I realized, was nothing. For now. In the future, I was going to have to make a decision—either ignore it or pursue it on my own. If I chose to pursue, then that would mean going directly up against YG. I was fine doing that, but it would have to be secretive. I couldn't risk the girls.

My musings had taken up too much of my attention and I realized that I hadn't comprehended a word of the last page I had read. I was about to go back and start it over when my phone began to buzz. I was surprised—who would be calling me on Christmas eve? Surely, Hyun-suk wasn't trying to reach me. Perhaps the Firm?

When I checked the caller ID though, my eyes widened.

Kim Jisoo, it read.

My heart skipped a beat and I steadied myself, getting my excitement under control. You're an adult, I had to remind myself.

<Hey,> I said after answering. <Everything okay?>

<Why would something have to be wrong for me to call you?> she mock-scolded me. <Merry Christmas eve, Ollie!>

<Merry Christmas,> I said warmly. <Thanks for calling.>

<Where are you?> she asked. <Did you go home?>

I looked around the café and smiled. <No, not really.>

<You're not with family?> she sounded confused.

I shrugged, even though I knew she couldn't see. <No family left.>

There was a pause. When she spoke, her voice was small and sad. <Oh. I'm sorry.>

<It's okay,> I said, meaning it. <I haven't thought about that in a long time.>

<Are you feeling good?> she asked.

I thought about that question. That too, was something that I hadn't thought much about in a while. My life, for a long time, hadn't belonged to me. It belonged to my job, to my clients. I served them as best I could, and my needs came second. Always. That was part of my CIA training, I supposed. I had done things that were necessary but that had been hard on me—both physically and mentally.

<I like the quiet,> I said finally. <I think I do feel good.>

<You think?> I could practically picture the teasing expression on her face as she said the words.

I rolled my eyes. <You like to ask me hard questions, what can I say? What about you?>

She sighed, but it was a happy sigh. <I feel so good! I feel relaxed. I love the holidays, you know? Everyone is so happy. But... you know what?>