Pursuing Our Freedom| ✓

Kabanata 35

Driver's License - Olivia Rodrigo

Kabanata 35

My heart kept on thumping against my chest. Rumaragasa ang mga luha sa aking pisngi. I can't look at him right now. Lalo akong madudurog. Lalo akong mapipino. I heard him sighing.

"Philo, gabi na. I should probably drive you home." He said, casually. He decided to put the letter back. Parang wala lang ang binigay ko sa kan'yang sulat.

Like I didn't pour every fiber of my being in that letter, every heartbeat I had for him in each word, and everything I wanted to risk just to be with him. My hand kept on shaking, patuloy na iniisip kung paano ko ba malalampasan ang gabi na ito nang hindi tuluyang wasak dahil sa sinabi niya.

"B-bakit? A-ano..." the lump on my throat kept on growing.

I tried remembering Naiara's face. Her beautiful features, funny attitude and her kindness. The bitterness crept inside my heart. Pareho pa sila ni Iscalade ng mga hilig. I never wanted to be jealous of her.

Pero bakit siya?

Bakit hindi pwedeng ako?

"N-naiara likes you po, h-huh?" pilit kong pinapasilay ang isang ngiti pero parang pinupunit ang pisngi ko sa tuwing inaangat ko ang sulok ng aking labi.

"She loves me," he smiled, but all I can see is him being crestfallen. "And that's all I ever wanted, Philo."

Napapikit ako, still shaking. I bit the insides of my cheeks. I slowly opened my eyes even if my glasses are already covered in moist.

"Philo..." he tried calling me in his honeyed voice but I was too stunned. My heart hammering against my chest.

"K-kailan pa?"

"After I realized that you might never love me..." he sighed, nadarama ko ang pagod sa kanyang tinig. "I realized I would rather be your friend than lose you completely. Tulad mo, I'm already contented with this. And you won't have to force yourself t-to like me back."

No.

Bakit ka naging duwag?

Bakit mo ako ginaya?

Nagbabadya ang mga luha ko na tumulo muli. I looked at him, to find hesitation or any hint of humor - but there was none. I only found Iscalade looking at me with pity.

"M-mahal mo po ba talaga siya?" I asked, trying to still maintain what remaining strength that I have.

"I might not love her as fierce as how I loved you," sagot niya at pumungay ang kanyang mga mata. "But I'm trying. Because I think we both deserve a chance, Philomena."

My entirety collided with pain. Sa bawat salitang binitawan ni Iscalade. Isa lang ang naintindihan ko.

Hindi na niya ako mahal.

I bit my lip, yumuko ako habang pilit na pinapatahan ang sarili. I could hear his footfalls coming towards me, tinaas ko ang kamay ko upang pigilan siya. Pinilit na lunukin ang sakit.

"P-please. Teka muna. I need some..." my lips quivered as the tears cascaded down my cheeks. I need some time! I need some time...

"Philo, it's late. You should be home..." he hushed, slowly coming near me again.

Umangat ang tingin ko sa kan'ya, Iscalade cocked his head before smiling sadly.

"We can still be friends, Philo. Isn't that what you wanted?" napapaos niyang tanong. "You won't be pressured to like me back anymore. You don't have to force yourself to like me back, Philo. We are stil ultra -"