Lost (Parrlyn)

Chapter 29

Six-Is-My-Life, I present you some angst. 

PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY KNEECAPS

Enjoy! 

Saying goodbye to Anna and Janie this afternoon. I don't think I can stomach it. I wish they could stay around for a little longer...

My pen was poised over the notepad that Janie had gifted me, my fingers stroking the edges of the creamy white paper. It was ages since I had been brave enough to document my feelings onto a piece of paper, knowing that it wouldn't fall into the wrong hands. I had a lot to thank Janie for. 

To her, it was only a single notepad, a small act of kindness that she was doing to a troubled woman. To me, it felt like freedom, knowing that I could write about all of my secrets on a little bit of paper. I could do it comfortably, aware that Henry would never get the chance to read it or comment about it. 

Writing on the beach felt like my own kind of personal heaven. I could write freely, watching sailboats and surfers glide across the ocean, joy written on all of their faces. The seagulls would be squawking, the sun would be shining and the wind would be blowing happily in everybody's faces. 

It sometimes felt like a real-life scene from a movie. 

Writing all my thoughts down couldn't change the fact that Janie and Anna were going off to America, though. Jane had told me all of the details and how they were going to get there. This didn't comfort me at all. Instead, it made me panic. 

I had seen the big raft that was being prepared for the big voyage. It must've been at least ten metres wide, made to bring about half a hundred people across the big seas. This was never exactly what I had imagined about this voyage. 

It looked...unstable. There was no plan B if it sunk. No plan B if something went wrong. I just had to cross my fingers and hoped that Anna and Janie would be alright. 

Jane reassured me that everybody was going to be wearing fluorescent, orange life jackets and that it would protect them if they fell into the water. I didn't like the idea of them putting their lives into a couple of odd lifejackets and a large boat. But I didn't tell Jane that. It would be a selfish thing to do, to burden Jane with my own unhelpful, dark, dreary thoughts. 

My eyes caught sight of Janie walking along the beach, arm in arm with Mae, Edward and Mary. They all looked downcast, miserable, unhappy... Neither one of them wanted Janie to go (including Janie herself) but what choice did they all have? 

Seeing them all together made me realize how I should be back in the tent, spending extra time with Anna. I shouldn't be sat down on the beach, wallowing in my self-pity. I jumped to my feet and ran back to my tent, hearing the wind whistle in my ears. 

---

I caught sight of Anne first. She was pacing back and forth outside the front of the tent, a tissue pressed against her cheek. By looking at the way her shoulders were shaking, I could tell that she was crying.

"Annie," I called out, dashing up to her, "Are you alright?"

The second those words tumbled out of my mouth, I could've punched myself. Of course, she wasn't alright, she was crying!

Anne shook her head, curling her fist around the tissue. It crumpled under her grasp. 

"I'm sorry for getting emotional," She wept, "But I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"Have a look inside the tent."

I patted her arm fondly, pulling her tight into my chest. I wanted to tell her that everything would be okay, but even I didn't know that answer. I decided to do as she said, stepping cautiously into the tent. 

I wish I stayed outside. 

Anna was practically clinging onto Kitty, like a sloth clutching onto the branch of a tree. They were both pulling each other close into a hug, not daring to ever let go. My heart was ripping into two. This wasn't fair on either of them.

"I'll miss you so much, big A," Kitty whimpered, breaking off into another wave of sobs, "I can't imagine being parted from you for such a long time."

"We'll see each other soon, little K," Anna replied. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, "We'll be reunited soon, I promise."

Jane was watching the pair closely, her usual laid back face was crumpled with pain. I could tell that it was hurting her just to watch Anna and Kitty said goodbye. 

My legs suddenly felt unsteady and jelly-like, the world was rotating around me and I could feel my palms going all clammy. I couldn't do this. 

Slipping stealthily out of the tent, I turned around to meet Anne's eyes. I knew exactly what she meant now. 

"She's going for good, Cathy," Anne murmured, "What if we never see Anna again?"

"We will," I responded feebly, "We will, I'm sure of it."

Will we actually, though?

Doubt must have been written all over my face because Anne didn't seem the least reassured. She put her face in her hands, letting the tears pour endlessly down her face. The only thing I could do was hug her, feeling my girlfriend collapse into a pit of her own misery. And I couldn't be the one to pull her out of it. 

I looked around at my family.

We were all falling into pieces.

The question was: Who was going to be the one to pick those pieces up?