Circles | Eren x Reader

Chapter 45- Salvageable:

The lunch bell rang and my friends and I sprinted out of class to our table. I made sure to plop down right next to Ymir so I wouldn't have to chase her down when lunch ended. After Connie and Sasha finished everyone's lunches, Jean and Marco got up to throw away their trays. I took this as an opportunity to confront her:

I tapped Ymir on the shoulder. "Ymir, we need to talk." She ignored me and continued talking to Historia. I tapped her again. "Ymir... Ymir... Ymir!" My fingers were hitting her shoulder like bullets.

Her head snapped in my direction. "What?" she asked, annoyed.

"You never explained what happened with Jean."

"You're still on that?" She groaned. "(Y/N), please, it wasn't anything."

"If it wasn't anything," I prodded, "Then why won't you tell me?"

Ymir sighed deeply. "Fine. Come with me to the bathroom." She turned towards Historia: "I'll be back soon Historia. I need to talk to (Y/N). Marry me when this is over?"

I heard Historia giggling behind us as Ymir pulled me to the Girls' bathroom.

"Alright," she said, sighing while pushing her back up against the door. "What do you need to know?"

"I just want to know what happened," I replied.

"I told you everything already." I gave Ymir a flat stare and she continued, "(Y/N), keep in mind that this was almost two weeks ago. I'm sure my information is outdated."

"So?"

"So, I'm just saying."

"Okay. Then say it."

"Fine," she huffed. "Look, it was nothing major— Jean just had a mini mental breakdown when your name came up in passing conversation, so I assumed it was about you. Keep in mind he was really drunk. Like, drunk drunk. Like, Jean dancing on the table drunk except in the crying equivalent, if that makes sense."

I nodded, prompting her to continue.

"He just..." Ymir struggled to find the words. "He just feels like it was his fault that you two split."

"The only thing that was Jean's fault was him misinterpreting the situation when Eren came over— and then deciding to dump me afterwards," I said matter-of-factly.

"Cut the bullshit, (Y/N)," she said harshly. "It's no secret that a part of you has always been drawn to Eren. You may cover it up as a rivalry, but no two regular people ever pay that much attention to each other. You were putting in way too much effort to get rid of Eren after Historia's party— everyone thought it was sus."

"I only did that to make sure he'd stay away from me," I defended.

Ymir raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Really? Because it seemed to me that Eren had left you alone for awhile, and you were only talking shit about him to convince yourself that you hated him." Her faced softened, "Look, (Y/N), I'm not saying this to corner you, I'm saying this because you asked. You can't deny that Eren had a piece of you while you were with Jean. The night Jean saw you together just sort of... broke him. It confirmed his worst fear about your relationship, and he didn't know what to do. And you know how Jean is. He can be so insecure sometimes. The only thing he knows how to do is blame himself for not being able to pry you away from Eren." I stayed silent. Ymir threw in one more thing: "It's not about a petty rivalry between those two, by the way... He really loved you, (Y/N)."

I wasn't sure what to say. "Loved," huh? So I guess it's over.

I guess Ymir could read my thoughts: "He's not coming back. Friends, sure, but anything else... he couldn't do it," she said. "I'm sorry."

I didn't have the energy to cry. I felt so awful. Awful because Ymir was right— I did feel something for Eren. Awful because I betrayed Jean. Awful because I still wanted him. Awful because I still loved both. What can I even do? I was helpless. It seemed that a situation I had thought I had complete control over had shattered.

"(Y/N)," Ymir interrupted my pity party. "Just because he doesn't love you anymore, doesn't mean you can't be friends. Jean still needs help getting food for my—" she hesitated, "— my party. Why don't you ask him to come over? It'll give you guys time to talk, for real, without having to be overly excited in front of everybody else."

I thought about it for a moment. It was true, Jean and I never really talked when everyone else was around. We were too focused on trying to make it seem like everything was fine that we didn't bother trying to repair the sour remains of our friendship.

"Alright," I agreed, following Ymir out of the bathroom and back to our lunch table.

It was a hazy Wednesday morning at school and I had yet to ask Jean about making a dish for the potluck with me. I was nervous. I hadn't had a conversation alone with him in how long? How do I even approach him? I thought. Is there any way to not make this awkward? While I continued to walk with my head down, potential scenarios— (all of them ending badly)— bouncing around in my head, I tripped over someone's shoe and dropped all of my schoolwork.

"Damn," I said, rubbing my head and trying to stand up again. A hand appeared in my vision.

"You good?" A tall, brown-haired boy asked, smiling wanly. The scenario reminded me of my first day at AOT High:

"You good?"

"Yeah, uh... thanks. If you don't mind me asking, what were you doing bending over right next to me?"

"Oh! I was going to help you pick up your stuff. I'm Jean Kirschtein. You new?"

"(F/N) (L/N). And yeah actually, I am."

I took Jean's outstretched hand and he pulled me up. "I'm good," I said, grinning. My smile quickly vanished as I was thrown outside of my euphoria and into reality. You and Jean aren't best friends anymore, dumbass. Things are awkward, remember? "Oh, right," I mumbled.

"Huh?" Jean tilted his head, his hazel eyes squinted in confusion.

"Nothing," I said quickly. There was a long pause between us while I tried to figure out how to ask him to come over. "Hey, Jean! I know you have like zero dollars right now, so do you want to come over to my house where your heart was shattered and make dinner for Ymir's birthday?" That wasn't going to work. Maybe something more calm like "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to help me make food for the potluck tomorrow. That way you won't have to show up empty-handed." Yeah, that would be good.

It was at this point that I realized Jean and I were still standing completely still, a foot apart from each other, and neither of us had said anything. I looked up at him and took a deep breadth in, preparing to ask the awkward question. Immediately, my senses were flooded with ginger, oak, and the slightest bit of rum, and my mind drowned in old memories, my plan drifting away in an instant. The words spewed out before I could stop myself: "Hey, Horse-Face, since you're a terrible cook and there's no one to help you make food you should come over to my house and we can make something together and then bring it to the party that we're both going to because we're both friends with Ymir and you're a terrible cook," I sputtered with zero pauses in between my words. Fuck me.

Jean's eyes darted to the side and then back to me, trying to mask his smile. "You just called me Horse-Face. And a terrible cook. Twice." His expression read: We haven't talked regularly in months and this is the first thing you decide to say to me?

I grimaced and my cheeks turned red. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that... What I meant to say was: 'Hey, Jean, I know you said earlier that you weren't sure what to do about Ymir's potluck, maybe you'd like to come over and we could make something together?'"

Jean crossed his arms and stared at me for a moment, the corners of his lips upturned as he looked me up and down. "Hm... I guess so."

"Really?" I asked a bit too excitedly.

"Sure. I don't see a problem with it," he said cooly.

Yes! Perhaps this relationship is salvageable! Perhaps we can be friends again.