Luving U

Chapter 30

Tori's POV

The words were out of my mouth before I realized I had said them. My mind flashed back to the start of our relationship and how out of character I acted for months on end. I didn't get physical, I didn't even get into verbal altercations on the regular before him. But the life style he lived, the people it attracted; it brought out a side of me that I didn't like. I didn't want to be constantly on defense and guarded, or worried about what might be posted on the shade room.

He looked at me with gentle eyes, "What do you mean?"

I sighed, " I mean... I became this... this nasty and aggressive person in order to defend what I had with you. I don't like that."

"You don't have to be like that, I'm sorry if I made you feel that way-"

"It's not you," I cut him off. "It's the people around you. Jaycina, Gem, random groupies that told me to kill myself when that picture of me and Jade was posted.... it's the lifestyle," I said somberly.

I could see a variety of emotions flash across his face. Sadness, confusion, anger. He wasn't quite sure what to say. He couldn't tell me I was wrong, because I wasn't. I constantly had to defend myself when it came to him.

"I see what you mean..." he finally managed to say.

A pause. "So what does that mean for us?"

I twirl my thumbs anxiously, "I'm not sure.... I think it means.. that there can't be an us."

Ricardo sighs and rubs his hands nervously on his jeans. "Tori... d-don't say that. We can make this work."

I look at him with sadness in my eyes, "Maybe we could make it work Ric... but not now. Mentally, I am in one of the worst states I have ever been in. I don't need anything extra on top of that right now." Another brief moment of silence.

"We gotta disconnect," he said softly.

A soft smile formed on my lips. He was quoting his music again. "Don't say it like you'll never speak to me again... you will speak to me again right?"

He put an arm around me and pulled me in close. "I'll do whatever makes you comfortable Tori. Speaking, not speaking, occasionally speaking...whatever is best for you."

I nuzzled my head between his neck and shoulder and inhaled the smell of his cologne. It was as intoxicating as ever, but I held myself together and just relished being in that moment with him.

"Well, that's good to hear. After all, I'll need some help with my album..." I spoke softly.

Ricardo looked down at me in slight surprise, "You still want to make an album?"

I nodded my head, "I do, but not for anyone else. Just for me."

"We can make that happen."

I looked up at Ric, taking him all in as if it was going to be the last time. I knew it wouldn't be, but I had no idea if I would ever be this close to him again. If I would have the chance to kiss him and touch him the way I could now.

"You know... it's not that I don't want to be with you Ric, because I do. It's just-"

"The lifestyle, I know. It's a lot, and it came at you like a raging bull. Gem's stunts didn't help much either," he said before I could finish my sentence.

I smirked, "I'd ask you to wait for me, let me get myself together mentally but... I can't do that."

He planted a long, soft kiss on my forehead. "I'd wait even if you didn't ask me to."

I locked eyes with him before crashing my lips on to his. The kiss was wild and passionate, onlookers would think that we were madly in love. They wouldn't know that this kiss was the end of a relationship. It wasn't a kiss that signaled the end, it was a kiss that said we would meet again. That we understood what this all meant and we were ready for whatever else was going to follow.

"Find yourself and come back to me Victoria," he whispered.

We kissed again, this time it was a shorter. We held each other after after our lips became untwined. Neither of us spoke, we took in the view of the park and of all the people in it. Children, mothers, lone joggers and couples. We watched them for a while and sat together in silence with a mutual understanding that this wasn't the end of us.

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A/N:

Probably not the ending everybody was hoping for or imagining but every story does not have a fairytale ending </3I hope you all enjoyed and there may be a book two in the future.