[ 𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚍 ] 𝚋𝚘𝚔𝚞𝚝𝚘. 𝚔

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 8

⚠️trigger warning, sensitive content including self harm, attempted suicide, mental, physical, as well as sexual abuse⚠️

I take a deep breath through my nose trying to calm my nerves. Bokuto traces circles onto my back as I try to calm my breathing.

"When I was a first year in high school, I used to date this guy. I fell hard fast. I didn't even mean to care for him as much as I did. We spent everyday together and you could hardly catch us apart. At first everything was amazing, nothing seemed off with the relationship. We were just like every other couple, dates every weekend the usual you know? When we were starting our second year, that's when things started to feel off. He was becoming more, controlling. He would tell me what I could and could not wear. He would tell me things like 'it's like your looking for attention' I listened to everything he told me, thinking he was looking out for me." I pause taking a deep breath closing my eyes.

"It's okay, you don't have to keep going." Bokuto told me as he held me closer to him.

"I want to." I say opening my eyes trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

"I'm listening." He whispered kissing the top of my head.

"Not long after that he started pressuring me to do things I didn't want to do. I gave in thinking that if I really loved him I should give him what he wanted. So many nights of ours were filled with meaningless sex. I lost my brother that year... I fell into a dark place. I started to self harm. I cut my thighs, making sure no one would be able to see them. besides him... He saw them every time and never acknowledged them. It was like I didn't even know what he was going through. I was like a lost puppy hoping one day he would care for me. I spent countless nights alone in bed having no one to talk to about the loss of my brother. Thats when I met Saeko, she flipped my whole world upside down. She was amazing for me, and helped me escape my horrid reality, but eventually I had to come back down from that high. I would still cut often and my ex never seemed to care. Even being rough making them bleed from time to time. One night, he really just pushed it. He took things to far and I just felt so nasty. I felt like things weren't going anywhere, so I did what anyone who doesn't want to live anymore would do. I turned on my shower and tried to end it. Saeko found me just in time. If she hadn't came over to check on me I probably wouldn't even be here right now." I sob into Bokuto's chest as he rubbed my back lightly.

"It's okay I'm right here." He tells me in a hushed tone.

"I was so stupid for thinking he loved me Kotaro. He used me and manipulated me. He would hit me and I never thought twice about it. I went to school with bruises on my arms and legs thinking I deserved them, for being a bad girlfriend. For not giving him what he wanted. He used me, as he pleased. No matter how many times I begged him to come be with me because I felt so alone, he always seemed to be busier with things more important than me. It was such a dark place in my life, and I hope I'm never in that position again. I'm finally happy and i'm not gonna let anyone ruin that for me you know?"

"I'm sorry that happened to you... What the actual hell. Who would ever treat you like that?" I could feel his body become stiff.

"It's okay Bo, it's over now and I know not to ever put myself in that situation again. I don't think I'll ever be the same in a relationship after that, but I don't think I'll be in a relationship for a while." I say rising and dropping my shoulders. It become quiet as I laid atop Bokuto. Still feeling him trace circles onto my back.

"Are you sleepy?" I nod closing my eyes and nuzzle my face against his chest. He ran his hand in the dip of my side as I drifted to sleep.

~the next morning~