Chasing Champions

Unfeeling is the new feeling, but not the best

Sarah POV:

As I stand there in front of this woman, I feel nothing. No anger, hate, hurt, or betrayal, just nothing. I stare her straight in the eyes and say,

"Fuck you, take the name. Because that's all it is, a name. I am, will and always will be me. And I wouldn't let you or anyone else take that from me."

I could see the shock go across her face before anger did. She roughly shoved the papers into my hand to sign. As I did and hand them back to her, she snatched them out of my hand and was out the door before I could do anything else. Everything is still and silent in the room. I could see the shock and anger on everyone's faces, but I still feel nothing. Like nothing happened. I slowly blink, pick up my bags and make my way to my room. When I enter I sit my bags down at the end of the bed and go though my nightly routine. As I finish and walk to my bed I hear my door slowly open, I turn to look and see Jett with a blank face. he walks over and lays in my bed bring me down next to him. We laid side by side for a few minute before he told me,

"I have no idea what is going on in your head and I don't need to know. But no matter what we are family, remember that. I'm not going anywhere."

As I take in what he said, I still can't feel anything. But I do know I am grateful. But I still send him a smile and turn the TV on and hand him the remote. As we lay there watching but not really paying any attention, I can feel myself start to drift off. And before I knew it I was out.

__________

The next morning I wake up to a leg across mine, and snoring. As I blink and look around I see Jett sprawled out on his back and Moose on his chest. It was a adorably cute sight, but I was still numb. I didn't want to be numb, but I was scared of feeling again. As I go back and forth in my mind I get up and dressed for training before waking the 2 still sleeping boys on my bed up. Groggy Jett gets up and goes to his room in a haze of sleep and Moose just gets comfy again and goes back to sleep. I give a sigh and slip out of my room and leave the house. I climb into the truck and head to the gym, then the track. Everything passed as a haze, like nothing made sense. The next 2 weeks past that way. I faked it for everyone, showing a front that I was fine, happy, just normal. But I was anything but. Something was bound to go wrong, but luckily when it did, we had the weekend off. 

It was friday night and I was staying at Chases for the weekend. I can almost feel something when around him but not quite. I know what I have felt before and I want to feel that again, but it kills me to not feel it not. I don't know how to feel again. As we work together in the kitchen I start to feel lightheaded. I just shrug it off and continue to finish making the salads before Chase finishes the fish on the grill. When I get them put together I go to put them on the table when I am hit with another spell. I grip the table and stay still till it passes. When it does I move forward and sit down in my chair. I go to take a sip of water as Chase comes walking in and joins me. I peer at the plate and see rather good looking fish, I give him a look and he just grins and says, 

"What? I can cook ya know. I do live by myself now."

I huff a laugh and give him a smile,

"Still, it's a shocker. But does it taste as good as it looks is the question, isn't it?"

As I get a mock glare in return, I take a bite and it really does taste good. As we continue to eat and talk, I notice I felt weaker, and more dizzy. But I just shoved it to the side, chalking it up to lack of sleep the past few days. After we finish and clean up, we make our way upstairs and to his room. As I go to get some sleepwear I'm hit with a dizzy spell again, but harder. I could feel my legs start to give out as my vision started to go black. And the last thing I heard was Chase, calling out my name in horror before I hit the ground and I knew nothing more.