Chasing Champions

Hope

Sarah POV:

As Chase and I head upstairs I felt some relief that they would be ok. But I couldn't help but just want to cry, and I hated it. My doctor told me to stop fighting what I felt and hiding it from others and it sucked. It sucked because now all I felt was loneliness which I knew I wasn't alone, fear over how everything will be and change out of my control, and sadness. I felt pure sadness and I knew I had so much to be grateful and happy about but I was so stuck in what I lost. I lost and went through so much and never stopped to heal and moved on from it and that it was breaking me. I wanted to just hide and sob my heart out and then cry even more. I curled into myself as I looked out the window, I see my reflection in the glass and flinch back. I looked almost as horrible as I felt, and that made me feel even worse. I didn't want to leave the house anymore, I almost didn't even want to ride at the moment and that terrified me. All I wanted was to be me again, be me and be the mother that I wanted to be for my son, be the best lover I could be to the love of my life. But I couldn't right now and at that thought tears start pouring down my face as I silently sob. 

Shaking my head I head to the bed and lay down, wrapping myself up in the blankets and tried to melt into the bed itself. After a while I hear the door open and close, telling me Chase had gotten Jace down for a nap finally. I felt him lay down next to me, I uncover my face a bit to see him looking at me in mild amusement. It made me crack a smile as I imagine how funny I looked. I wiggled closer to him and he pulled some of the blankets away only to wrap them around both of us. Once we were covered in them we both looked at each other and giggled. Leaning our foreheads together I lightly kiss his lips and whisper,

"Thanks for taking the day off of training to be there. It meant a lot to me."

He wiggled his arms around my waist and rested a hand on my hip, rubbing the bone with his thumb and whispers back,

"You don't have to thank me, I wanted to be there for you, and to find out how I could help you heal. I'm here love, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

My eyes water as I feel actual pure happiness for the first time in what felt like years. I lean forward and kiss him soundly, he cups the sides of my face with one hand and the other moves to my lower back. His hands spreads out across my lower back and pushed against it bringing me flush against him. I felt something wet on my face making me pull back slightly to see him crying. I reach up and wipe his tears away and ask,

"What's wrong baby? You can talk to me."

He shakes his head slightly and smiles at me and says,

"Nothing is wrong, it's just that kiss right there felt exactly like our first. Before shit hit the fan, it just gives me hope. Hope that we will get through this and be stronger than ever."

I look at him wide eyed as I start to feel warm, warm and not cold and empty like I had been lately. Without thinking I fling myself into him, we spent the next hour tangled up in each other, just kissing and holding onto each other. As we start to fall asleep I say,

"You are my everything, and I don't want you to feel burdened but you are. You and Jace are what keep me going, are my world. And I know we haven't talked about it but your dad brought it up. At some point I do want to make us official, and be Sarah Sexton. If you want that to I mean, if not I will be happy to just be here with our family."

He stares at me and suddenly sits up and runs to the closest. I sit up looking confused as he grabs something and comes back to me. Pulling me up to my feet and pulling me close as he lays his forehead on mine and softly says,

"Your right, we haven't talked about that. But that doesn't mean I hadn't thought about it. I knew you were special from the moment I came into the building at the track and saw you. I just had to get to know you and I did. While I did get to know you I fell for you, fell for you hard and fast. You are the only girl that could distract me from training. But that was only because I was in awe. When you are on your bike it's amazing to watch, your so smooth and precise and it is breathtaking. And when I finally got you to be mine I was so happy. I didn't care about your past, I only cared about the person you are now. But when we found out you were pregnant I was scared, scared that I had ruined everything for you. But when I saw you, the strongest person I know try, try and end it I had never hated myself more. But everything calmed down and we were happy, till I lost my mind and we lost one of our babies. At some point between holding you as you were bleeding out and you were in surgery I was hit with the fact that you were it. You were my everything in this life. And I couldn't imagine a life without you in it. It was then I knew I had to make you mine completely. So a few days after you got out of the hospital I got the ring, but I never got a chance to ask you with everything going on. So now I do."