Loki x reader ( slow burn)

Eat something

A/n:
Warning: eating disorder, OCD.
-

"So you really haven't eaten in three days?"
You shook your head and rested your hand on Loki's shoulder.
"Bucky brought me food this morning. I tried to eat it but I threw up before it got into my mouth."

"And your knuckles?" His expression was full of worry.
"I chewed them a bit." You looked down, picking your legs again.
"Y/n. Stop. Will you try and eat again for me?"

You looked up and saw guilt in his eyes. You stood and grabbed the cereal bowl from your desk.
Drop it.

The voice again.
Drop it or Odin will lock Loki up.

"Y/n, don't." Loki called.
It was too late, the bowl dropped at your feet and crashed to the floor.
"Y/n, are you alright?"
"Yeah."

"That voice in your head, don't listen to it."
"I cant risk it Loki."

He pulled you into a hug, trying not to stand on the soaked floor.
"I think we should have someone check up on you."
"I feel fine."
"Physically or mentally? Cause I'm being honest, you are not doing great at either."

"I guess you're right."
"Ill clean this up, meet me in the kitchen."
You nodded and left for the kitchen.
You pulled out a chair and sat at the table.

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and opened google.
You searched in symptoms of an eating disorder.
Followed by symptoms of OCD.

The results made sense, but then again according to google, you could die from a paper cut.
Throw your phone or something bad will happen.
You sighed and threw your phone. You squeezed your eyes shut waiting to hear it land. When it didn't, you looked up to see that Loki caught your phone.

"This voice is going to be challenging isn't it?" Loki said rubbing circles on the small of your back.
You flashed him a small smile and slumped onto the table.
"Hey, hey, hey. Its going to be alright."
You lifted your head and searched his eyes.

Loki picked up an apple from the fruit bowl and passed it to you.
"Its bruised."
"I don't care. Eat it please. Even if its just a bite."
You lifted it to your mouth and took a small bite.

It was sour and you made a face, which made Loki smile a little.
You chewed slowly, trying to ignore the horrible feeling at the pit of your stomach.
Eventually you swallowed.

"Can you try another bite?"
"Loki I-I don't think I can."
"Can you tell me why?"
"I just feel like I've hurt you so much, and the voice is telling me that I really don't deserve you or food or anything really."

Your stinging eyes let out a couple more tears.
"You don't deserve me? You saved nat, you cared for me, you grew up in hell. You survived a gunshot, a falling building. You put yourself through all this to protect me from Odin. Trust me I've done a lot worse than you, do you think I deserve food?"
You nodded and placed a quick kiss on his cheek.
"If I deserve it you definitely do. You deserve anything you want."

"Its just agonising, thinking of eating. The voice it gets louder every second, and its hard to just move without the fear of it telling me to do something stupid."
"I know darling. You did great though." He said picking up the apple and taking a bite himself.

"Can I try another bite?"
He smiled and passed you the apple.
You brought it to your mouth and took another bite. You chewed for a while but you couldn't bring yourself to swallow. You spat it out, into the bin, swearing at your self.