Love & Ruins (#2)

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten: Evan

I don't think there's a word in the English language that could perfectly articulate what I could be feeling right now. It was a whirlwind of emotions I couldn't describe even if I wanted to.

Everything seemed static and numbing, heart racing but also immensely paralyzing, as I couldn't move my limbs, force my mind to react in the way that it wants to, even though deep down, beneath the soul-crushing weight of it all, I wanted nothing more but to tap into the resentment I've had bottled up all these years, shatter that shit, let it all out and poison everybody else here in the room with me.

Let it all out now that I know she's here, in the flesh, but somehow just looking at her felt like I was staring at an apparition.

Because although I am aware that I could physically see her, and that my eyes weren't playing tricks on me, and that she's no less than a couple of rows away from me, is that my mind's still having a difficult time processing the situation and realize that this was indeed my reality.

That Maggie Carter, the girl I have been mourning for all these years and had always hoped to find every time I turn around and look another way, is actually here.

In the same classroom.

In the same University.

In the same city.

I didn't wanna fool myself into thinking that it was all that obvious and predictable, that after all these years of intense man-hunting, Maggie couldn't possibly have been residing here in New York... but the tiniest part of me still wished.

It persisted and thought that maybe, just maybe, it really was all that easy and predictable, that it might've not been that complicated.

But the devil's in the details, after all.

So even though all of this may bewilder me in ways that I can't even properly describe, a piece of my past conviction finally stands in victory knowing that of course, he'd fucking bring her here. Because Wayne might be a conniving monster who slithers his way in when you least expect him, but of course he'd parade her in a place that's all too obvious just to rub salt in the wound.

Which, as much as I hate to admit it, he succeeded in doing.

Because looking at her now, a part of me does feel gratified knowing that she's studying here in New York as she'd always wanted, but I also couldn't ignore the stinging realization that even though we're only separated by an efflux of students, is that the distance between us still feels unknown and that I don't know where we stand.

Because I can't just walk up to her, I can't just approach her and hug her like how my heart wants me to, or to scream at her and demand answers like how my mind wants me to, due to how it's been years and how the connection we once built that was swept away by the storm of Wayne's interference has now dwindled into the debris of uncertainty and that I can't just pick up the scattered pieces of what we once were and pretend that everything still feels like home.

She's a stranger to me as much I'm probably now a stranger to her.

But still, that fact didn't dissuade my mind from running wild in all the possible scenarios I could make happen if I mustered the right amount of courage to make all those fantasies from previous nights that I missed her into a reality considering she's here.

I suppressed the need to act out on them, though, as I just busied myself in registering her and her presence, her appearance which changed so drastically but at the same time, stayed quite the same given my distinct recognition of her even after all these years.