Love & Ruins (#2)

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Two: Evan

I watched the scene from afar.

I don't know what compelled me to stay and spy on them like a creep; whether it was sheer curiosity, or because I didn't know any better. One thing's for sure, it shouldn't sting like this.

In hindsight, what I did was far worse. I lied about who she is and created a problem that shouldn't even be a problem. Everything was going great because we had started communicating like normal people.

I was getting used to it, so fucking used to it, that at one point it had me believing there was something to look forward to - that there was something in store for us.

Then Alyssa showed up, and I was suddenly tugged back to present-day reality, which was probably why I had panicked in the heat of the moment, scrambling to hold onto different relationships all at once - the one I have now, and the one I had then.

When Maggie aided me back to recovery, it felt like a fever dream. She offered me a glimpse of something I knew wouldn't last, but it was fun to entertain while it lasted.

When she told me about her mother, it felt like the good old times again, but it was clear she was going through something with Veronica, and I wanted to ask.

I wanted to crawl inside her head and dig up all the little secrets she's hidden from Wayne, but not from me. I wanted her to let go of the pretense and be as authentic with me as possible.

But we don't always get what we want, that's why when the moment ceased, it was as if we had taken several steps back, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't furious because here she was again-

So close yet so fucking far.

But Alyssa doesn't deserve my frustration, she came because she was worried about me, and here I was fucking moping because I couldn't make up my mind about what I felt.

What was it that I felt?

My greed is to blame here, because why else would I crave a relationship I know is out of reach when I already have a steady thing with Alyssa going on? Let it be the sadist in all of us that wants something even though we know we can't have it. The thrill of tasting the forbidden fruit.

Albeit, I had to stop thinking about myself and thank Alyssa for visiting me. It was the least I could do, even though she hadn't sensed my contempt, the fact I was so out of focus during her visit as I had anticipated her leaving as soon as possible... to say I was guilty would be an understatement.

As soon as I felt better I was quick to call her and thank her for checking up on me, to which she replied by saying it was no problem and that's what friends are for, a response I predicted.

I couldn't help it as a smile tugged up my lips. She's too good of a person, and she doesn't deserve some dipshit who disregards her efforts.

With that in mind, I mustered the guts to ask her what I'd been planning since this morning "You want to go out and grab something to eat? My treat." I offered, and I could already envision her Chesire grin through the phone.

"You sure it's alright for you to make plans? I mean, you just recovered from a fever."

I snickered "I'm not dying, I assure you. Plus it's the least I could do."

She let out a playful hum "I didn't do much, really. Your cousin was there, after all, she did just as much of the work to take care of you as I did."

Here I thought I could fucking escape this.