Love & Ruins (#2)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Evan

"The stars look pretty tonight, don't they?"

I turn to Alyssa and give her a warm smile, nodding "They do." I divert my attention to the night sky. "Not as pretty as you, though."

She couldn't help but snort "You're so corny."

We laughed as we walked side by side, skipping the blocks on our way out of Central Carousel, having just finished eating a few snacks from the nearby street vendors, as she locked fingers with me, her other arm proudly embracing the one panda bear I won for her.

I looked down at our joined hands and chuckled "I'm assuming you had fun?"

She raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think I had a good time?"

I stared at her mischievously before lifting our conjoined hands, and softly kissing her knuckles "Let me rephrase that. Did you have a good time, Alyssa?"

The light illuminating from the lamp posts betrayed the blood that rushed to her cheeks "As much as I don't want to stroke your ego... I have to admit, I did have fun."

I couldn't help the laugh which bubbled up my throat, shaking my head "I'm glad. I was worried you'd be disappointed in our date."

"Why would I be disappointed? It was amazing," she asked, perplexed.

"I just thought maybe I didn't plan it well enough." which is true, I'm not telling her this to fish for compliments but because my efforts were objectively inadequate.

Everything was done at the very last second. I had about three days before the actual date to start thinking about where I would take her, and in those three days, I did nothing but procrastinate. In the end, I stuck to what I knew and just took her to an amusement park, not because I was lazy but because thinking about the date didn't ignite that familiar spark in me when I go on a first date with someone.

That fluttery sensation where butterflies explode in your stomach, and the genesis of your excitement fills your mind to the point that they're all you think about?

This isn't like that.

It's horrible, but that's the truth. I was thrilled when I saw her walk out of her apartment, looking as beautiful as I've ever seen her with her yellow sundress on, her hair down, and freckles showing.

She was smiling the entire time, hardly able to contain her laughter whenever I said a joke, held my hand as though she was afraid to lose me in the crowd... She was perfect. Everything was perfect and yet...

All I could think about were swollen red eyes and that obnoxious feeling that something just wasn't right when I left Maggie at my apartment, adamant to let me out while my heart was telling me to stay. To stay, be selfish, and hope Alyssa would understand.

But I had to snap out of it, telling myself it just wouldn't be right especially after I promised not to look back and make a fool out of myself.

To cushion Maggie when she falls while I let everything else in my life shatter into pieces. But at that moment, I didn't care, if the world around me crashed and burned, I'd look to her first to see if she was alright.

But I had to be rational and choose the person I promised a fucking date with. If I had to bail on her again because my world can't stop revolving around Maggie, I'd be surprised if she'd have enough patience to forgive me, because God knows I wouldn't.

So I tried, believe me, I fucking tried. I tried shifting my focus on literally anything else that wasn't Maggie but I'd be lying if I said my attempts didn't fail 99% of the time.